Could be kidney stones.

The chosen one

Just like Winnie the Pooh in the Hundred Acre Wood

Everyday I wake up to a new atrocity I have to verify.

White Crocs with brown/black stains all over

It’s 1999, outside a theater there is a hairy middle-aged blob of flesh screaming at the sky.

Are you offering to help? I suppose he could use an extra hand.

Absurd, I am a regular human with regular human appetites.

Just curious do other humans like me eat more than 1 grain? Just seems greedy to not share with your queen.

Usually 1 grain of rice is filling enough.

Oh no

Her’s was a plastic blue bowl with a handle. I was informed of it’s unsavory past after it was given to her from her mom when we moved in together. As she was eating popcorn out of it.

I didn’t come from no fancy two large plastic bowl house either. But a small trashcan with about 3 layers of grocery bags was our go to. Never would I look at something I yaked in and consider it to hold food again even if it had bags lining it.

Fucking get out of here with that “puke bowl” nonsense. You are going to make me lose an argument with my wife!

I never heard of them until her and like poop knives I refuse to believe in families have a thing as a “puke bowl”. Now I have to do research and reconsider my stance.

Except from the book: If you find a snake in your toilet it means you need to BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!

Personally, I like it without context.

Need to pee in the soil

Quick!! He’s distracted! Go, go, go!

Yeah I tripped, knocked a stage light over, and burned everything to the ground. I was the only survivor.

Was called the “Tragic Cinderella Sizzler” by local newspapers.