If your job was to come up with greater enshittification for society, what would you do?
My ideas:
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Rental apartments where every wall has a screen with ads 24/7. You can pay cheaper rent to live with ads in every wall or you can pay a monthly subscription to turn off the ads (you don’t get to use the screens for anything else tho). After people get used to it we can start adding a little bit of ads even for the subscription users, just a little less.
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Movie theaters. This one is obvious, why did anyone think it was ok to give people access to uninterrupted movies just because they paid a couple bucks? We should include some ads in the middle of movies in the cinema duh.
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Water and electricity. Private utility providers should be able to require you to watch a certain amount of ads on their apps in order to deliver their services to you every month (you still also pay normally ofc).
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Alarm clocks. Smartphones should delete the option to pick a custom sound for alarm and instead wake you up with loud ads. Installing any custom alarm app should require root and we should lobby government to ban devices with alarm clocks which are not smart.
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Unified ad-watching score. Similar to credit score, you will gain points by not skipping ads, having the selfie camera turned on while watching an ad (to make sure you looking), having the microphone on to make sure it isn’t muted, etc. Every platform contributes to your score. They can use your ad-watching score to give you benefits or punish you as they please.
“This nuclear attack warning was brought to you in association with our partners at Squarespace.”
Nice try, Zuck
Sitting on a plane and the screen in front of you plays ads the whole flight.
I just had a few flight with Air China and after the security film they showed sponsors for it. Thanks Intel for making sure we survive an emergency.
Abort abort abort abort abort abort abort
Getting some real clockwork orange vibes here.
deleted by creator
I always take out those paper ads that are attached to the top of the seat if front and turn them around so I’m not staring at them for a 5 hour flight.
I thought I was the only one. Fuck you Easyjet!
A MLM style whisper campaign app your friends can run where it actually listens in on the conversation and allows them to make money for dropping product mentions and recommendations to you and others during hang outs and in person conversations with the recording to tag and prove they actually mentioned it.
You have to watch an ad to crank your car.
Every time you bring your car to a full stop while it is running, an ad plays through your audio system and displays on your radio.
You have to watch an ad to make a phone call.
When your phone rings, it plays an ad jingle, call JG Wentworth 877 cash now.
When you send a text message or write a text post to an online system, an ad is injected with your text post so that readers in order to read what you wrote also have to read the ad.
If you have Smart lights or anything smart in your home, in order to use it you have to watch an ad.
In order to pay for something with a credit card you have to watch an ad on the credit card machine and click one of the choices that are offered to you.
Smart pillows that play hypnotic ads at you in your sleep.
Your electric toothbrush requires an ad to be played the whole time it is being used, and if you brush your teeth for less than the length of the ad, then they take a dollar from you.
Some guy comes to your house and screams logos and add quotes at you all of the time. If you try to get him to shut up he murders you and your entire family.
Replace the guy with a robot.
The medical field is ripe for some intrusive ads to boost revenues! Possibilities are endless:
Ad-supported heating aids ("what were you sa… "; “this conversation will resume after a quick message from our sponsors!”)
Pacemakers - want to watch an ad for 100 more free heartbeats?
Surgery - this scar will unfortunately be in a visible spot, but how about we make the cut look like the Amazon logo ?
Implants - click the nipple and watch an ad to re-inflate your left breast for 10 more days
Replace the glass cooler doors in the drink section with huge screens that display ads abd obscure the contents, then use a sketchy motion sensor to trigger a delayed screen full of what’s probably inside the cooler.
Oh wait nvm, they’ve already got that.
Mandatorily implanted lenses in your eyes that track your location and collect all the data off everything you see, trading it out over Wi-Fi while downloading ads for your surroundings in real time while simultaneously leaking your private information, telling the government everything, and ratting you out to your employer and insurance company.
But only if it’s cheaper than a brain chip that does the same things.
this amber alert alert is brought to you by alerts-r-us!
…
this amber alert is brought to you by alerts-r-us!
The vast majority of amber alerts in most areas are because of abuses of government child care services. The attorneys working for these places make a hefty commission based on the amount that can justify by any means they wish really. So in a round about way it is like an ad in a few ways.
and it gets more fun if there’s an alert for an impending amber alert
Motion activated cemetery headstones.
Make money for your family, after you’re gone! If you get 1 million visitors, you get 1000 dollars a month! Just need to train a bird to swoop by every few minutes, and you’re living the life!
Oh, sorry, your cost of plot rent is now $1500 per month.
Sometimes when I’m shopping, I leave a piece of paper explaining my work/thoughts/etc. in the shopping cart before returning it.
A transparent ad centred on your mouse cursor.
Brain implants that steal your thought patterns, which then get fed into some artificial intelligence that can create the perfect ad for your to see, which then gets directed straight into your brain with the same implant so you’re pretty much forced to buy it. Maybe they can straight up alter your thoughts directly so you want to buy something, skipping the need for ads.
Oh wait… I’m probably just describing what Elon is up to in the long run.
Don’t be silly. Elon is going to anonymize the data extraction first, categorise you into one of five badly defined groups, and then beam that shitty group product back into your brain.
Smart contact lenses and also smart built-in lenses that work like cataract surgery lenses.
These are given away free and basically make traditional optometry have to change to a lower volume higher cost model. We also outlaw lasik on the grounds that it is more dangerous than smart lense implants.
The smart lenses track you and interact with personalised location specific advertiser content at each surveillance point, allowing them to show ads directly to your retina.
“We’ve noticed that your eyes track boobs a lot, so here are some ads for better bras to reduce back ache.”
Or worse, glancing at boobs results in “horny women in your area” pop ups even if you were just bra shopping.
Open source housing units when?
when houses become free, land/freeholds will be the new hustle. Cappies gotta cap.
