I’ve spent my life wasting my time, rationalized with words. In terms of my own human life, I’ve reached for a vague sense of meaning, purpose, significance… and value. At least, value of distinct characteristics of instances relatable THROUGH those characteristics measured.
I was lost in the specifics, in the pedantic cycles that WANT to break into an answer that stops the constant motion that becomes meaningless once the reason is realized.
Knowing is what I mean by realizing, but…
Reality isn’t so tangible. Our hands only grasp so much, our eyes can only see a small bit… at a time. We make ourselves from what we experience. Some define those experiences deeper with another (word/meaning-boundary) to mean themselves, and they say they’re what they DO.
But at our limits, we are struck by truth that sensitively lies, as an experience in sleep as dreams, some of which we remember. But death is more than what we are able to remember, it’s to stand, for at least a second.
Like Ace in one piece’s marine fort arc, after he gets saved. For those few minutes, he lives. But he dies defending whitebeards honor, a lesson luffy learned much earlier with the pirates he attacks as a kid when shanks doesn’t respond to the empty threats they represented when they insulted him with irrelevant words.
I ask a question and I ask that you write. It can be as jibber-jabber gibberish as the words I scream like this. As I hear myself, all I want to tell anybody and EVERYBODY else, who’s not me:
TLDR:
a simple exercise meant to be reworded:
Ask yourself, who you are, And don’t answer.
Voices will come.
Listen.
Don’t answer.
But if you do answer anyways…
Don’t hate the screams. Don’t hate any of the answers. Not even the ones you search for.
Maybe you’ll eventually recognize that the moments your thoughts escaped your “peace of mind,” happened. That you’re not forgetful or cursed in any way, that life is WHAT IT IS.
BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SORRY. PLEASE respond to the question title however you deem fitting, even if it isn’t saved forever, it will have happened now. And the mystery of now is enough reach towards, together.
But hatefulness is the only thing I see in the reality of the governments that hold us. Black people in America, Muslims in India, sinners in Saudi Arabia.
Sins relocate, they never die. And reading all of Frank Herbert’s Dune series has made me naively sure of the ancestral memories that lives in our stomach. There lies our truth of love.
I’m sorry. What do YOU value? This is the internet, and I hope you can tell I did not generate this artificially lol. Check the account history, I’m a dumbass. Please do not ban me.
What do YOU value, in reality? In and out of life, of all of any?
I’m sorry to comment like this, but… I just had a thought I must, “save forever,” because I’m scared I’ll lose it.
All this time, I’ve wondered if my girlfriend hates me or not.
Now that I find my feelings, I can only wonder how MUCH she hates me.
I had a comment to a post where I felt similarly with a long story that related to what I was feeling. The time spent writing that comment, and the explicit open invitation to message them, made me feel enough hope to not think that specific flow of words, “how MUCH hate.”
I wondered, “how did I fuck up and how can I fix it?”
I cheated on her the first year I was with her. It’s hard to admit that I talked shit about her the first few days, and remnants lasted as a part of me for a while after.
It’s been 3 years now, and we live together because finances and a random gun shooting as part of a fight a neighbor of mine I never knew involved the beating up of a guy that came back with a gun.
That’s the story the cops gave me, and occams razor is hard to use there, especially when it doesn’t matter why it happened. I moved out to live with her, and we got a new apartment.
I asked her to move in with me after she mentioned she wish that was the way it happened.
Initiative is the man’s responsibility, right? Sex says 1>1.
There’s love on both sides.
I’m sorry to spam. Again, I ask to please not ban. My life is on the line. I am not hateful or against any general rules. I ask that this be let passed for no reason other than to supplement the question I ask:
what do you value?!