I’ve spent my life wasting my time, rationalized with words. In terms of my own human life, I’ve reached for a vague sense of meaning, purpose, significance… and value. At least, value of distinct characteristics of instances relatable THROUGH those characteristics measured.
I was lost in the specifics, in the pedantic cycles that WANT to break into an answer that stops the constant motion that becomes meaningless once the reason is realized.
Knowing is what I mean by realizing, but…
Reality isn’t so tangible. Our hands only grasp so much, our eyes can only see a small bit… at a time. We make ourselves from what we experience. Some define those experiences deeper with another (word/meaning-boundary) to mean themselves, and they say they’re what they DO.
But at our limits, we are struck by truth that sensitively lies, as an experience in sleep as dreams, some of which we remember. But death is more than what we are able to remember, it’s to stand, for at least a second.
Like Ace in one piece’s marine fort arc, after he gets saved. For those few minutes, he lives. But he dies defending whitebeards honor, a lesson luffy learned much earlier with the pirates he attacks as a kid when shanks doesn’t respond to the empty threats they represented when they insulted him with irrelevant words.
I ask a question and I ask that you write. It can be as jibber-jabber gibberish as the words I scream like this. As I hear myself, all I want to tell anybody and EVERYBODY else, who’s not me:
TLDR:
a simple exercise meant to be reworded:
Ask yourself, who you are, And don’t answer.
Voices will come.
Listen.
Don’t answer.
But if you do answer anyways…
Don’t hate the screams. Don’t hate any of the answers. Not even the ones you search for.
Maybe you’ll eventually recognize that the moments your thoughts escaped your “peace of mind,” happened. That you’re not forgetful or cursed in any way, that life is WHAT IT IS.
BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SORRY. PLEASE respond to the question title however you deem fitting, even if it isn’t saved forever, it will have happened now. And the mystery of now is enough reach towards, together.
But hatefulness is the only thing I see in the reality of the governments that hold us. Black people in America, Muslims in India, sinners in Saudi Arabia.
Sins relocate, they never die. And reading all of Frank Herbert’s Dune series has made me naively sure of the ancestral memories that lives in our stomach. There lies our truth of love.
I’m sorry. What do YOU value? This is the internet, and I hope you can tell I did not generate this artificially lol. Check the account history, I’m a dumbass. Please do not ban me.
What do YOU value, in reality? In and out of life, of all of any?
This is a question with a very unnecessary body. Is it ugly? “Jesus Christ,” you say? What do you care about? I am seeing a therapist, he’s recommended the book “introduction to family systems,” by Richard Schwartz and I read it through twice about a year ago. It’s still seeing this therapist, and I’m healing.
I had a question, you didn’t answer it. You focused on the body. I’m sorry I had so much to vent. I’m healing. I’m trying to express myself and hear what responses I deserve.
Thank you for your response, I really do look forward to hear if you do have any measure of value, and how you define that measurement. There’s logic and there’s matter, and I wander.
If you say you value efficiency over emotions, I feel sad for you. But I’d love to hear why. I make no assumptions, I really do look forward to your answer to the question you ignored to instead tell me I don’t belong.
What the fuck do you live for? Can you tell me that?