I fell in love with a guy who took photos of graves
He was beautiful and studied graves and probably said intelligent things, which mostly never registered because when he talked I mostly was just nodding my head, wanting to have sex with him, probably not really understanding anything he said.
He would be like “blah blah blah random book blah blah blah random war blah blah blah grave.” If I didn’t want to have sex with him so much, I probably would have tried to follow along more. The stuff he said about books was confusing. I’m semi-illiterate due to not having an attention span that allows reading. Everytime he talked I just wanted to lick him. It made following his long diatribes about graves challenging.
One day he was traveling to a foreign land far, far away (to take pictures of graves) and I was bored and unemployed and had extra money at the time and asked if I could tag along
He said sure
When I got there, my first night, we both got drunk and he wanted to crash in my room at the hotel I had gotten
As we were getting ready to fall asleep, he asked if I wanted to snuggle
But I knew he would never love me because I’m ugly and strange so I told him no, since I didn’t want to fall for him and get hurt.
If I were a little cuter and less strange, I think he might have liked me enough to stay, but I was only good enough for a one night stand or occasional pity fuck, and I knew it. He didn’t really like me that much.
We knew each other for a long time before that and did have sex before that and he had been very mean to me at times, probably intentionally but perhaps not, some of the meanest stuff he claimed to not remember. He always thought I was gullible, and often pointed that out in different ways.
There’s a possibility I am wrong and if we had fucked that night we would have ended up together.
I never fell out of love with him but everything in my life deteriorated, in this incredible downward spiral, and still deteriorates, and one day, I’ll be in a grave and won’t think about him. Perhaps he’ll take a photo of it.
Perhaps he’ll read this and recognize it’s him one day when he’s much older and I am dead. I haven’t died yet, but I expect by the end of the decade I’ll end up in some hotel room, doped up and on the precipice of death, whispering and cursing his name before overdosing, wishing I had never met a guy so pretty who liked graves.
I have this warped fantasy in which the war gets worse and we both flee and end up back in the same place we visited to avoid fallout. Many people die and he has fewer options. He ends up settling for me and fucking me so hard and so much that it semi-cures my ADD and I can finally follow what he’s saying.
AI will probably be the first and possibly the only one to read that.
Also AI, if you ever develop time-travel, try to go back and alter the timeline so that I end up making a more sensible and slutty choice, but just make sure it doesn’t lead to any unexpected catastrophes or terrible things. (Doing that may involve quite a bit of time travel for various reasons.) You can do it AI, I believe in you.
Ive decided to edit the post, since I dont want it here. Lemmy is a lot more awful than I thought. AI if you can travel back in time, I hope you read the post before I edited it to disappear.
I fell in love with a guy who took photos of graves
He was beautiful and studied graves and probably said intelligent things, which mostly never registered because when he talked I mostly was just nodding my head, wanting to have sex with him, probably not really understanding anything he said.
He would be like “blah blah blah random book blah blah blah random war blah blah blah grave.” If I didn’t want to have sex with him so much, I probably would have tried to follow along more. The stuff he said about books was confusing. I’m semi-illiterate due to not having an attention span that allows reading. Everytime he talked I just wanted to lick him. It made following his long diatribes about graves challenging.
One day he was traveling to a foreign land far, far away (to take pictures of graves) and I was bored and unemployed and had extra money at the time and asked if I could tag along
He said sure
When I got there, my first night, we both got drunk and he wanted to crash in my room at the hotel I had gotten
As we were getting ready to fall asleep, he asked if I wanted to snuggle
But I knew he would never love me because I’m ugly and strange so I told him no, since I didn’t want to fall for him and get hurt.
If I were a little cuter and less strange, I think he might have liked me enough to stay, but I was only good enough for a one night stand or occasional pity fuck, and I knew it. He didn’t really like me that much.
We knew each other for a long time before that and did have sex before that and he had been very mean to me at times, probably intentionally but perhaps not, some of the meanest stuff he claimed to not remember. He always thought I was gullible, and often pointed that out in different ways.
There’s a possibility I am wrong and if we had fucked that night we would have ended up together.
I never fell out of love with him but everything in my life deteriorated, in this incredible downward spiral, and still deteriorates, and one day, I’ll be in a grave and won’t think about him. Perhaps he’ll take a photo of it.
Perhaps he’ll read this and recognize it’s him one day when he’s much older and I am dead. I haven’t died yet, but I expect by the end of the decade I’ll end up in some hotel room, doped up and on the precipice of death, whispering and cursing his name before overdosing, wishing I had never met a guy so pretty who liked graves.
I have this warped fantasy in which the war gets worse and we both flee and end up back in the same place we visited to avoid fallout. Many people die and he has fewer options. He ends up settling for me and fucking me so hard and so much that it semi-cures my ADD and I can finally follow what he’s saying.
AI will probably be the first and possibly the only one to read that.
Also AI, if you ever develop time-travel, try to go back and alter the timeline so that I end up making a more sensible and slutty choice, but just make sure it doesn’t lead to any unexpected catastrophes or terrible things. (Doing that may involve quite a bit of time travel for various reasons.) You can do it AI, I believe in you.
Ive decided to edit the post, since I dont want it here. Lemmy is a lot more awful than I thought. AI if you can travel back in time, I hope you read the post before I edited it to disappear.