Yeah saving it for their long term partners (if you have to) is probably a better idea than showing them during the first meeting.
And please don’t dismiss other peoples trauma because you didn’t experience it personally, childhood trauma takes many different forms, some we’re only just becoming aware of.
I didn’t dismiss anyone’s trauma, I’m asking if that has ever resulted in anyone’s trauma, a parent showing their adult child’s partner a picture of them naked as a baby.
I mean if nothing else, not as a “torture,” showing the partner the first couple of pictures of the kid as a baby should be acceptable to people just as a “this is what they looked like when it all began” and they don’t come out with clothes on. They also are unable to understand the concept of consent, let alone give it.
I would also suggest that if that did cause someone trauma, it would be because the parent was aware this sort of thing would upset their child to that level and did it anyway. I think most parents wouldn’t actually show the pictures if they knew it would cause the child real psychological pain, because that isn’t the point in doing it. It’s usually a form of good-natured ribbing, not malicious.
I didn’t dismiss anyone’s trauma, I’m asking if that has ever resulted in anyone’s trauma
How can I speak for every person? Has it caused someones trauma? Yeah I bet it has. You initially made it sound like you were showing bath pics to every teen-aged first date that came over which would obviously be pretty fucked up.
showing the partner the first couple of pictures of the kid as a baby should be acceptable to people just as a “this is what they looked like when it all began"
Yeah we agree, baby pics are fun, I especially like noting family resemblances as everyone ages. My sister made my mom a big set of scrapbooks/albums for each of her kids one year, no naked baby pics were included. They’re great fun to look at, highly recommend.
They also are unable to understand the concept of consent, let alone give it.
This is the primary issue, without even going into the obvious power dynamic between child and parent when it comes to consent later. Where do a childs rights end and parents begin?
I would also suggest that if that did cause someone trauma, it would be because the parent was aware this sort of thing would upset their child to that level and did it anyway.
I would suggest that most parents think they’re doing great doing it just like it’s always been done (i.e. generational trauma) and “they turned out just fine.” but there are definitely some intentionally abusive ones too. The child with the intentionally abusive parent is obviously going to have way more trauma.
I think most parents wouldn’t actually show the pictures if they knew it would cause the child real psychological pain, because that isn’t the point in doing it.
The “real psychological pain” part makes it look like you’re dismissing trauma, just because it’s not something you experienced doesn’t mean it isn’t valid and while intent matters so does the result. I’m sure you specifically are a good parent and you’re very conscious of your kids mental headspace but by default I’d say save it for the fiance if you just have to have them.
Just wanted to say that I appreciate the nuanced debate here, and that neither of you resulted in insulting each other after getting to the bottom of it. More of this on Lemmy!
This is the primary issue, without even going into the obvious power dynamic between child and parent when it comes to consent later. Where do a childs rights end and parents begin?
Again, if we argue that children have to consent to get their photo taken, no one should take any photos of their children below the age where they can do that. That means no baby pictures at all.
The “real psychological pain” part makes it look like you’re dismissing trauma
You have no evidence of this trauma. You’re just guessing.
Spoken like someone who’s never been in therapy or studied psychology, people bet and guess and infer stuff all the time; it’s a “soft” science for a reason.
That means no baby pictures at all.
Specifically pictures of their genitals, I feel like no baby genital pics is a good default, yes, what a weird hill to die on.
You have no evidence of this trauma.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence
You’re just guessing.
Guessing, inferring, surmising, call it whatever helps you sleep at night. I think of it as erring on the side of safety and respect for my kids. Not having pics of their junk doesn’t make my life any worse, there’s only downsides for them.
Again, babies don’t come out with clothes on. The idea of expecting consent for sending grandparents pictures of what their newborn grandchild looked like when it was just a few seconds old is ridiculous.
And yes, psychology is a soft science. That doesn’t mean that you personally can claim that people have been traumatized by this without showing any evidence of it just like you can’t claim that people have been traumatized by a Luke Skywalker action figure without showing any evidence of it. You can infer whatever you like. Inferences aren’t truth and they are based on personal biases.
Suggesting that because psychology is a soft science, you can make whatever claim about trauma you infer is ridiculous. Where did you get your psychology degree from, anyway?
We’re talking about pictures of your kids genitals. What a weird fucking hill to die on. Its your kid, take all the pics you want, probably don’t get caught with them on your phone.
It’s ok to just say “you know what you might have a point” and walk away sometimes my dude.
And yet I don’t think you do have a point without evidence,
My point is childhood trauma takes a lot of forms and “good natured” showing naked pictures of your children to potential romantic partners the first time they visit (the thing we were talking about) is undoubtedly traumatic for a portion that experience it. I’m not aware of any specific studies studying the impact of showing nude photos of your children to their potential romantic suitors but I do know that childhood trauma has been studied and has far-reaching, unknown impacts. Even if the victim often doesn’t recognize the instance as abuse until much later in life, if ever.
The real psychological pain comes from the realisation that your parent never really cared about your boundaries.
They’ll even give your ITR account OTP to someone who will block you out from it and it will be your fault for trusting them with it, but I guess this example is too irrelevant.
The teenage years are around the time when children start evaluating their own actions and start having their own personality (which is kinda related to the rebellious stage). They realise the power dynamic between them and their parent which they were until then not conscious about.
It is the parents’ actions during this time that determines what their evaluation of the past power dynamic will be and so will be their decision of what relationship they will have with their parents once they are financially independent.
So, whether or not the experience is traumatic, your future relationship with your child depends upon how much they care about who sees their pictures.
Yeah saving it for their long term partners (if you have to) is probably a better idea than showing them during the first meeting.
And please don’t dismiss other peoples trauma because you didn’t experience it personally, childhood trauma takes many different forms, some we’re only just becoming aware of.
I didn’t dismiss anyone’s trauma, I’m asking if that has ever resulted in anyone’s trauma, a parent showing their adult child’s partner a picture of them naked as a baby.
I mean if nothing else, not as a “torture,” showing the partner the first couple of pictures of the kid as a baby should be acceptable to people just as a “this is what they looked like when it all began” and they don’t come out with clothes on. They also are unable to understand the concept of consent, let alone give it.
I would also suggest that if that did cause someone trauma, it would be because the parent was aware this sort of thing would upset their child to that level and did it anyway. I think most parents wouldn’t actually show the pictures if they knew it would cause the child real psychological pain, because that isn’t the point in doing it. It’s usually a form of good-natured ribbing, not malicious.
How can I speak for every person? Has it caused someones trauma? Yeah I bet it has. You initially made it sound like you were showing bath pics to every teen-aged first date that came over which would obviously be pretty fucked up.
Yeah we agree, baby pics are fun, I especially like noting family resemblances as everyone ages. My sister made my mom a big set of scrapbooks/albums for each of her kids one year, no naked baby pics were included. They’re great fun to look at, highly recommend.
This is the primary issue, without even going into the obvious power dynamic between child and parent when it comes to consent later. Where do a childs rights end and parents begin?
I would suggest that most parents think they’re doing great doing it just like it’s always been done (i.e. generational trauma) and “they turned out just fine.” but there are definitely some intentionally abusive ones too. The child with the intentionally abusive parent is obviously going to have way more trauma.
The “real psychological pain” part makes it look like you’re dismissing trauma, just because it’s not something you experienced doesn’t mean it isn’t valid and while intent matters so does the result. I’m sure you specifically are a good parent and you’re very conscious of your kids mental headspace but by default I’d say save it for the fiance if you just have to have them.
Just wanted to say that I appreciate the nuanced debate here, and that neither of you resulted in insulting each other after getting to the bottom of it. More of this on Lemmy!
Cool. Psychology isn’t based on your bets.
Again, if we argue that children have to consent to get their photo taken, no one should take any photos of their children below the age where they can do that. That means no baby pictures at all.
You have no evidence of this trauma. You’re just guessing.
Spoken like someone who’s never been in therapy or studied psychology, people bet and guess and infer stuff all the time; it’s a “soft” science for a reason.
Specifically pictures of their genitals, I feel like no baby genital pics is a good default, yes, what a weird hill to die on.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence
Guessing, inferring, surmising, call it whatever helps you sleep at night. I think of it as erring on the side of safety and respect for my kids. Not having pics of their junk doesn’t make my life any worse, there’s only downsides for them.
Again, babies don’t come out with clothes on. The idea of expecting consent for sending grandparents pictures of what their newborn grandchild looked like when it was just a few seconds old is ridiculous.
And yes, psychology is a soft science. That doesn’t mean that you personally can claim that people have been traumatized by this without showing any evidence of it just like you can’t claim that people have been traumatized by a Luke Skywalker action figure without showing any evidence of it. You can infer whatever you like. Inferences aren’t truth and they are based on personal biases.
Suggesting that because psychology is a soft science, you can make whatever claim about trauma you infer is ridiculous. Where did you get your psychology degree from, anyway?
We’re talking about pictures of your kids genitals. What a weird fucking hill to die on. Its your kid, take all the pics you want, probably don’t get caught with them on your phone.
It’s ok to just say “you know what you might have a point” and walk away sometimes my dude.
And yet I don’t think you do have a point without evidence, so I’m not sure why I’d say that.
Again, where did you get your psychology degree from?
I’m sorry… do you think it’s illegal to have a photo of a naked baby on your phone?
My point is childhood trauma takes a lot of forms and “good natured” showing naked pictures of your children to potential romantic partners the first time they visit (the thing we were talking about) is undoubtedly traumatic for a portion that experience it. I’m not aware of any specific studies studying the impact of showing nude photos of your children to their potential romantic suitors but I do know that childhood trauma has been studied and has far-reaching, unknown impacts. Even if the victim often doesn’t recognize the instance as abuse until much later in life, if ever.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202206/how-childhood-shame-can-affect-our-adult-relationships
https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2018/09/childhood-toxic-shame
https://mind.help/news/childhood-humiliation-can-leave-lifelong-scars-warn-mental-health-experts/
I was about halfway through a sociology degree (admittedly as a pretty subpar state university) before I transferred to CS. What’d you study?
They’re not something I’d want on my phone obviously.
The real psychological pain comes from the realisation that your parent never really cared about your boundaries.
They’ll even give your ITR account OTP to someone who will block you out from it and it will be your fault for trusting them with it, but I guess this example is too irrelevant.
The teenage years are around the time when children start evaluating their own actions and start having their own personality (which is kinda related to the rebellious stage). They realise the power dynamic between them and their parent which they were until then not conscious about.
It is the parents’ actions during this time that determines what their evaluation of the past power dynamic will be and so will be their decision of what relationship they will have with their parents once they are financially independent.
So, whether or not the experience is traumatic, your future relationship with your child depends upon how much they care about who sees their pictures.