I also stuck my dick in crazy. Terrible idea. The main problem was that I was too dumb/dense to see the red flags, one of them being my mom, of all people, not liking her.

It was good sex, I was her first, but I didn’t want to make it anything other than some no-commitment flings. Once I started a proper relationship with another woman later, crazy stalked my gf online, full of threats. Crazy ended up in a psychiatric ward about a month later and her mother called me, asking me to “please go visit her, she loves you from the bottom of her heart”.

Against my better judgement, I actually went. The place looked like an insane asylum that should’ve been force-closed decades ago. Horrible smell, filthy, the inmates (dunno if that’s the correct term, but feels appropriate) pretty much relied on relatives for any hygiene. Crazy hugged me, but I was just so appalled with the place I didn’t even know how to react. She got out about a week later and her mom was still trying to play cupid, saying she was much better now and wouldn’t skip her meds anymore, but I told her I was happy with my girlfriend and blocked her.

You know what? We’re so dumb when we’re er…young, dumb and full of cum =P! No, but really - we’re SO FUCKING DUMB! My gal comes in the other day and she’s singing a song about how she loves pussy. And it made me think about this one black lady who was on the tv saying dick will make you slap somebody. But it’s true though. Like - that thing that you love can make you so damn stupid and weak and do crazy shit and go against your boundaries even if you think you’ve got them set in concrete. I swear to god I grew the fuck up when I realized that I don’t need to be leaning in to that part of me anymore. And instead can just like - be a person who wants to spend time with another person. However that is. Like it’s just so much more chill. But also, and this is just my thoughts on the matter - some of my most beloved folks are bipolar. And I just found out another one of my lovies has BPD. And I love the whole lot of them flaws and all. And I also have some lovies who have had addiction issues. And I myself am a smattering of whatever this energy is that you see before you (medicated yet absolutely insane ADHD!?) - which is to say that I think there’s a lotta stigma against dating folks with mental disorders but that you know - they’re human and most definitely loveable. And while I do think there’s a level of chaotic energy that is just not healthy to be around. The kind that acts like life is a movie, and there’s a camera that’s always hidden right “off screen” so they always are bringing this dramatic energy. But there are also as I said before a lot of people who have been pushed aside by life by so many and are just little love bugs out here trying to be the best them they can be. And I have a lot of love and respect for that. But also know about women who’ve used babies they’ve had young with men as weapons. So you know, I hear you. Glad you learned what not to stick your dick in =P! Hope you got that good pussy now (iffin that’s what you’re still sticking stuff into).

Oh - and super not depressed or having a way to manage that depression. There’s a scene in Beasts of the Southern Wild here the main character and her father are shouting at each other “WHO’S THE MAN!?” “I’M THE MAN!” And I do that internally whenever I get down. Because it pumps me up, but it’s also so tender it gives me a heart boost too =)! Was trying to share the clip but all I found was this three second waste of space.