I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.
When I have thoughts like this I imagine that I am dealing with a friend who is having these thoughts.
If your friend was constantly struggling with their mental health and you were trying to help them would you call them an toxic, horrible, emotional abuser? I don’t think you would. I certainly don’t feel that way about my friends who struggle.
I also try to look at the evidence. Is there any actual evidence that people feel this way beyond your own thoughts and feelings?
Mental health is constant battle and separating real life from your condition can be an incredibly hard but rewarding exercise.
I’m sorry you’re struggling so much.