“Honey, I’m flattered, but I don’t have the same feelings for you. Even if I did, it would be inappropriate for us to have a relationship. I hope you find someone else closer to your age.”

Why do you need to be polite? If you’re direct or even rude you’re doing her a favour because it might turn her away from approaching other adults who would actually take advantage of her

Why do you need to be respectful? If this is even a real story just tell her you’re not interested and you’re married. It’s not complicated

This story is already strange and OPs post history contradicts it. Seems fake.

These fictional relationship stories are getting out if hand. 23 years old with a house.

In this order:

1. Tell other adults you trust about the situation. Your wife. Her parents if possible. More than one other person.

2. Explain to her in very clear terms that you can’t have that kind of relationship. It’s not about what anybody feels, it’s about what is possible.

3. At the FIRST sign of any type of revenge seeking behavior, that’s when you consider the authorities and rely on backup from the adults you spoke to.

She very well might listen to you, process the rejection for what it is, and move on. Or she might flip out and cause you a mess. If she handles it well, she’s learned something and you’ve treated a growing human with respect. If she doesn’t, your ass is covered.

Tell your wife, her parents, and anyone else who will listen, then call the cops and complain of harassment and get a restraining order on her.

Idc where you live but there’s many places where lesbians in this situation will be treated as men and you don’t want it to ever get to that point.

"23 years old. own house . married. "

a work of fiction!

First, I think there’s some risk if she’s telling people you two are dating. Definitely tell your wife, but you should also probably talk to her parents about it.

1. If they start hearing stories about their daughter and you, they already have context for it
2. You can work with them to decide how to proceed

This is an opportunity to teach her about boundaries, appropriate behavior, and unrequited love in a relatively controlled environment. She will listen to you in ways that she won’t listen to parents.

You could have a direct conversation with her about how it’s not ok to tell other people that you’re dating. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she knows you have a wife but still told you she has feeling for you. Tell her that you are happily married and not interested in dating a fourteen year old. Model clear communication.

And empathize with her that it’s hard to have feelings for someone that doesn’t like you back. Talk about how you’ve handled it in the past. Tell her that it’ll pass. Tell her what she should know as she grows up.

She’s a teenager, so her feelings for you will go away regardless, but I think you can make the rest of her life tangibly better by having a real conversation with her.

Honestly, why be polite? She needs to get the message loud and clear, and preferably it ought to have the effect of discouraging her from attempting to repeat it with anybody else

This is not a “how do I be polite” situation. This is a “how do I cover my ass legally” situation. Mistake it for the former at your peril.

Explain to her that it’s immoral, you’re not attracted to children, and that you will be going no contact with her.

Just don’t be

Tell her to stop. Then cease all contact. No need to be respectful. It’s not a situation that needs fine granularity.

You are the adult in this and it’s always going to be your responsibility to do the right thing. So act like a responsible adult.

First, make sure you’re never alone with her. It’s important to have someone be able to vouch for you that nothing bad happened. Even if it’s not her intention, rumors spread and mutate in the most unexpected ways, and you’ll want to make sure you’re in the clear if it ever comes to pass that people start to suspect that you are having a relationship with her.

Second, you’ll want to speak with her. Make it clear that you are serious and that this is a serious talk. Whenever you see her next, just say something like “we need to have a talk.” Might be cliche, but the cliche aspect of it reinforces the serious nature of it IMO, since most people already associate that phrase with something serious.

You don’t need to be rude, but you need to be very clear where you stand on the matter. Make it clear that 1) you are not in a relationship with her, 2) you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, 3) you don’t appreciate her saying that you’re in a relationship with her. With talks of this nature, there’s no point beating around the bush. She may be temporarily hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt due to rejection and hurt due to injustice. She will come to appreciate the honesty in time.