The airport “Marriott” in Santiago de Chile. That place was a hole, and a tiny one at that.

Don’t remember the name but it was some motel in Branson, Missouri. I found a snake in a pair of pants that was left on the floor overnight. maintenance removed it with a pair of channel locks lol.

A hotel in Augusta, Georgia. I had to come into town for a 2 week training event for my job. Unfortunately, it was occurring at the same time as the Master’s tournament, so finding a hotel was virtually impossible. The one my work booked for me was easily in the top 3 grossest accommodations I’ve ever had, and I’ve deployed to combat zones in the Army. Waking up in the middle of the night to my bed and walls covered in roaches still haunts me to this day. And when I say covered, I don’t mean a few. I mean covered.

We didn’t want to spend much money in Porto city and wanted more privacy than in a hostel. The “window” (didn’t have glass, just a metal grid) was on boardwalk height, perfect for drunkards to pee into the room from outside. We repaired the bed to the best of our abilities when it fell apart during the night. The “bathroom” was probably the most luxurious feature: a corner of the room, separated by a curtain. It kind of matched the rest of the city.

A Marriot in Carlsbad (near San Diego, CA). Had been warned it was undergoing renovation. Was there for an early business meeting, staying just one night. It was in a business park close to the customer site, with nothing much nearby. Not too many other choices.

Turned out the faucets randomly would stop working and the toilet sometimes wouldn’t flush. Inconvenient, but nothing terrible.

Was told at the desk the restaurant was under construction, but there would be food available in the morning. Next morning, it turned out the whole thing was walled off with a long thick wall of plastic sheeting, running floor to ceiling. It was early, but you could hear drilling and hammering noises from behind it.

There was a server standing in front of the plastic sheet, behind a foldout table. There was a single laminated menu. She said they were limited in what they could make. It came down to toast or breakfast burrito. I asked for a coffee and a burrito. She dialed a number on her cell and read out the order. Said their card reader wasn’t working and took down my room number.

A few minutes later, someone came back through the plastic sheet, carrying a small styrofoam cup, a plain cardboard carryaway box, and plastic utensils. I asked where I could eat and she pointed at the visitor lounge seats in the lobby area.

The coffee was tepid and weak (possibly from the day before). Inside the box was a thick, white, room-temp tortilla, half-filled with smooth textured scrambled eggs – possibly from powder mix. That was it, except for the ungodly glop of beige, flavorless, lumpy gravy ladled over the whole thing.

I was in a hurry to make my meeting. Took one bite, took a picture to send my wife, and pitched the whole thing in the bin. Raced to check out. Saw there was a $25 food charge on the room. Screw it. Expensed it.

That was the last time I ever ate hotel breakfast, even when it was included. Back then I was traveling a lot for work. I made a point of looking for a nearby diner, preferably a neighborhood joint. Haven’t regretted it once.

A hotel in a mining town, one of a few contractors stay at when they can’t get accommodation on site. Mining town = lots of alcohol abuse = occasional fights and violence. They’re never well-appointed places, people always come and go with filthy clothes and boots from site so there’s a level of dirt that could never be cleaned. Didn’t care too much about that if the sheets and towels were clean, but the room was on the outside facing the main road and the door frame was recently (and very poorly) repaired after someone very clearly had booted the door in. Slept with the tool bag open by the bed in case the owner of said boots didn’t get the message that the prior occupant had left town.

HMP … well most of them tbh.

You can check out but you can never leave