When I was in my early 20s, I did a lot of stupid things that could have gotten me killed or worse. For some context that makes some of these stories a bit more frightening, I am a woman.

Dealing with untreated depression, I self-medicated by drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol. Getting blackout drunk most days of the week, I did not care for my life.

I once went out on a cold winter day, deciding to walk a few miles for no reason. Someone driving by asked if I needed a ride. I got into their car, and had them drive me to the university I was attending nearby. Then I wandered campus (there was no class, I think it was winter break, so very few people were there). I don’t remember how I got home that day, but I did.

Another time, I was walking back to my apartment. My key wasn’t working to get into the building, so I kept ringing random doorbells to explain I lived there but couldn’t get in. Someone let me in, and when I went to my apartment, my seasonal decorations weren’t outside the door. I assumed they must have been stolen or something, which was surprising because it was a fairly safe area and a secure building. My key to my door didn’t work either, and I knocked to get my roommate to let me in. Some one I didn’t know asked who it was. I start freaking out, asking who she was and why she was in my apartment. I kept saying my address over and over to prove that was MY apartment. Eventually, someone down the hallway heard the commotion and let me into their apartment. She gave me water, cookies, and I used her bathroom. She called the cops, who walked me home to my apartment, and building next to the one I was in. I had drunkenly walked to the wrong (identical) building of my complex. Still not sure why, after I yelled my address many times, nobody explained I was just in the wrong building.

I once hitchhiked late at night. That was one of the stupider things I’ve done, aside from the next ones.

I went to a bar and got absurdly drunk, ended up at some house that a few dudes shared. I spent the night there, and my phone died at some point. I have no memory of how I ended up there that first night. They took me bar-hopping the next day, and I spent another night there.

I went to another bar once, and was getting chatted up by some dude. Apparently, he was offering to take me home or back to his place (can’t remember which), and I was definitely going to take him up on the offer. Superstar bartender was not going to let that happen. Not sure if she got a bad vibe for him or just general concern about going home with a stranger. She called me a taxi, and I’m so thankful for that bartender who looked out for me.

There were many other stupid drunken journeys. I lost jobs, friends, boyfriends, and lost a lot of trust from family members.

Thankfully, I got help. Am on real medication, am about 5 years sober, went back to college, and have a good job. Shoutout to everyone who helped me get on the path I’m on today.

For a long time, I thought I would never be able to feel the way I do today: happy, healthy, mentally stable.

Yeah, my first thought when reading the post was “it’s not despite, it’s because of.”