It’s totally fine if you have a good seasoning on there. The soap thing is largely a myth. I wash mine with soap every time I use it and it’s still slick as ever

I definitely thought those were carrots. That certainly changes things

Maybe need to get induction instead of radiant? Induction is much more efficient.

A bidet. You can install it yourself in 20 minutes and enjoy a lifetime of cleaner buttholes and save on tp.