I always heard this joke as “If you hold a stoat up to your ear, you can hear the sound of your own voice, screaming.”

To add to this, self-hosting is also best when you minimize everything - limited service, with limited functionality, on dedicated hardware that doesn’t share access to your internal network or storage. Folks who use point-and-click apps to install a half dozen unauthenticated docker containers, all open to the internet, running on the same PC they store the only copy of their family photos and music/movie collection on… make me crazy.