PhobosAnomaly

Risky joke - could get a laugh, could get you a meeting with HR without biscuits. It’s worth a punt though if you know your audience!

If you make the joke a bit more explicit it tends to get a few more laughs, like “this one goes out to the tireless administrators, creative engineers, fantastic embeds… and Paul”.

Only pull those stunts if you’re happy to get the piss taken out of you in return though, else you’ll look like a right tosser.

An old boss of mine started most group conversations with “right then you cunts…” and it was set the tone straight away. No bullshit, no egos, and no dragging on the conversation. Top fella actually, one of the best leaders I’ve had. We were his cunts, and he was our better-paid cunt.

We had another bloke who was a proper cockney boy. If you were in his good books, you were a “geezer”, and if you’d ruined his day then you were a “slaaaaag”.

I’m guilty of addressing my squad from my very junior managerial position as “alright my dudes”, which on the surface of it sounds very male-leaning, but I think since the 90s “dude” has become as gender-neutral as they come.

That, or you could go full Karl Jobst and kick off with “hello you absolute legends …”

“why can’t we get a mortgage?”

“Well I bought a hot dog on a payment plan for a laugh, and I defaulted on a 38 cent payment”

“oh no”

Brooks be spinning in his grave so fast, you could wire him up to a dynamo and power a small African country

I hear you, the issue for me is that a third of your country people voted for the cunt, another third didn’t care enough not to vote against the cunt, which leaves a large majority of Americans complicit in this - enough in my view to effectively use the term as a blanket reference to most people in the country.

Speaking on a more granular level, I wish you well and the best of luck - but the majority of your population can go fuck themselves.

My other half’s mam fuckin’ loves Candy Crush, plays it most (if not every) night, maybe clears a level or two.

What really makes me smile is that whenever she drops a bollock and effectively renders a grid unwinnable, she’ll take the L and come back tomorrow. Fuck the MTX and fuck the extra time/re-rolls/level skips; she just goes back the following day and tries again.

Mad respect, if nothing else than to be the marginal player base that fucks with the “line goes up” metric.

Teaching my dog the “kiss” command has been one of the best things ever.

Even when he’s turbo excited to see me, a quick “sit” followed by a “kiss” gets him pointing his nose in the air so I can kiss it.

He’s a good boy.

“so is it clearer with lens one…”

“…or with lens two?”

This pizza was sponsored by AmigaOS

stigma boi, stigma boi, stigma boooooi

I suppose everyone has their own preferences. If people reaaaally want to wear their Death Run 69420miler UltraPersistence shirt to a two-lap-round-the-village local 5k race then go wild I guess, ain’t nothing stopping you, just feels a bit tone deaf to me.

As for wearing running shirts, I guess it depends. I have a few plain Brooks or New Balance shirts that I just enjoy wearing on warm days, or even a Disneyland Paris wicking shirt that’s just quite comfortable.

That said, I personally purposefully don’t wear any of my “achievement” finisher shirts, I just hang them up above my gym mats in my garage - perhaps as a source of inspiration.

Having a “favourite” running gear is awesome though. I’ve got a couple of shirts and pairs of shirts myself and it’s awesome having a set of gear that just works when you’re out on tarmac.

Yeah absolutely, you’re on to something there friend!

One of my verrrry minor bugbears is people who show up to 3k or 5k fun runs wearing gear promoting events well above the event’s level.

Like “okay dude, that’s a nice Antarctica Marathon t-shirt but it’s not going to make you look cooler in the Buttfucknowheresville Gala 5k”, or “settle down Mrs London Marathon windbreaker over your Kona Ironman tech tee, you’re going up against someone with a cotton T-shirt from Asda and thick shorts that are going to build up enough charge to power a small African country”.

Big respect to the effort they put in to earn the gear, but who are they honestly trying to impress?

A colleague of mine used to work quite high up in UK Government, achieved all she wanted to, and came to our team. Absolute golden woman, genuinely lovely. She was from Glasgow originally but spent most of her time in London, poor soul.

When she was in “professional mode” - she had a voice that I could fall in love with. A beautifully smooth tone and a lovely rhythm, confident but gentle, in a nice heart of England accent.

As soon as she came out of a meeting or put the phone down though, she threw the voice out of the window and it was “fuck off you pure cunt” or “get tae fuck you fuckin roaster” or “no mate you can pure fuck all of the way off” in the thickest, harshest of Glaswegian tones.

Absolute gem. No ego, you knew where you stood, and it was highly entertaining.

For the modern effect, get a foldable or clamshell phone and flick it closed with some major sass.

It’s the best thing about having a foldable.

It’s the best part of living where I am.

I’m not athlete but I enjoy going for a 10k run on the longest day - I’ll see the last glimmer of evening light at 2am or so, and see the first rays of the sun and hour later or so. It’s a wonderful feeling.

…it gets dark.

Executive summary: don’t be a dickhead

In secondary school, we always had the rumour that if you blew into a woman’s vagina then it would kill her.

It was received with more hilarity than sensibility… though it did mean that future oral sex was delivered with a little less exhalation.

Then, it turns out you can kill a girl by blowing into her minge and middle age dudes creased with laughter again, as if the previous 20 years of maturity never happened.

Pass. I could write my historical knowledge of television shows on an ant’s cock in black marker. Best to check first!