Rhodesians be like

I should clarify that I live in a remote area where a lot of people are homophobes. Anything directed towards one’s ass is, as the kids would say, sus af to these folks.

I’m from the US. While I have travelled to locales where they are commonplace, I never actually tried one. When lockdown and the tp crisis started, however, I purchased one online. I now hate having to use any lavatory that doesn’t have a bidet.

Q - Doesn’t it feel weird? A - No. Some people are worried that it may feel sexual. It doesn’t. It’s just a localized shower on your ass, which is something you hopefully do regularly.

Q - Won’t it just push detritus away from the epicenter and make a mess? A - It can, if the bidet has narrow spray. Mine does this. Just do a quick shimmy that makes the jet draw a decreasing radius spiral.

Q - Doesn’t everything get wet? A - Some bidets have air dryers, but in the absence of, yes. Keep tp in the lav to address this. The quick wipe to address this still saves a ton of tp.