Considering it is a career that requires certification to do, I find myself doubting that you just suddenly found yourself being a bartender with no intentional desire to be one. Care to share more details to flesh out the story?

Every time I’ve tried to use a bidet, I’ve hated it. The water feels uncomfortable and sudden, and then I feel like I either can’t get dry with toilet paper and get chapped later, or it breaks up from the water and leaves pieces everywhere. The air dry varieties seem to contribute to chapped butt too. I know some people use wash cloths, but frankly the idea of leaving butthole cloth out in the bathroom weirds me out also.

What is the secret to enjoying these things? Am I just too damn American for them?