I used to work next to small commercial bakery, and they would give us stuff from time to time if it was near the sell-by date and they hadn’t scheduled a shipment.
One day they gave us some of those tiny vending packs of muffins, the ones with two little colorful things in plastic. They were awful. So bad we bet that even the ants wouldn’t touch them if we left it out.
It’s been three years now and that muffin is still there, identical to the day we set it down (not counting the dust).
No brisket or BBQ? That’s a shame.