So. Without trauma dumping, I’ll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What’s a father’s day gift that says “you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay”?
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The cheapest card you can find with and leave the price sticker on.
Price sticker had me amused - I never thought of that!
Another suggestion is to buy a card in a different language. Or if it says Mother’s Day where you don’t even bother replacing “Mother” with “Father”, but that might be a bit too intentionally mean so I would only send this depending on what kind of relationship and trauma that OP has.
A sample set of cheap shower gel.
Partially used, or missing one item out of the set.
And if you really want to drive it home, make sure he knows you kept the one item to use yourself.
Something nice, that he likes.
Anything else and you are definitely not trying to keep the drama at bay.
A “World’s Okayest Dad” mug.
Alternatively, a certificate for a free vasectomy.
You go no contact.
The end.
Football merch in his least favorite team.
Hey that would be easy, he hates football!
Buffalo Bills it is!
Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he’s Mormon, and he’s very upset I’m not.
A “Moroni is full of bologna” T-shirt?
Copy of the south park episode on Mormons?
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Hm… I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. “But dad, it smells just like summer!”
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
As a bonus, with those cheap candles there’s a decent chance burning them fills his house with toxicity.
Just like him!
Give him a very basic and cheap toolkit you know he already has. Firstly, he already has those tools and secondly he assumes you doubt his ability due to the cheapness of the tools. Like giving a Michelin chef a dollar store copper knife, they’d assume you think they can’t cook.
Something like a 2 pack of a Phillips and flathead screwdriver. So common even non DIY people always have them, and so cheap that they are useless.
Kind of hard to explain but hopefully that gets the pount across.
Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.
you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay
To me it sounds like you’re looking for drama
This
A mug, but the handle is too small to be comfortable
Dead fish 🐟
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A “best dad” mug, but you cross out the “best”
