Basically, “I can’t stop thinking of dat ass lol, you said I could tap that but now I’m blueballed, so I’m in the basement feeling like a loser while jacking off to you and trying to hold the spit until you get here.”

Some of those terms are basically the equivalent of appending lol or XD or rofl onto the end of every sentence, but yeah, it’s basically just “ayo lemme smash already gurl!”