Mine always strolls up to me with a playful smile on his tiny goatee, arms stretched wide across a striped black and white jumper, an accordion begins to play, before he nuzzles up close to my ear and whispers: “ich bin immer dabei, du arschlitrötchen”

Mine is always like “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You fell off a skateboard 20 years ago. Prepare to die.”

My injuries have a Scottish accent and sometimes they’re like “lol tha thu cho gòrach!”