Looks like my account was banned/restricted for the above interaction, have already sent the mods on world an email asking if they’d be willing to reverse that. Had an episode of psychosis a few months ago where I did say some offensive stuff, (understandably) got a 3 month ban on .lol for that, so could see my account having been flagged.
I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them… when making a throw away comment that is less than 10 words involving a ludicrously common saying. Jerboa does not show users pronouns. I could switch to an app that DOES show the pronouns, do any Lemmings have a recommendation for a free Lemmy mobile app that has that feature?
Edit: Edie chimed in, Jerboa does show pronouns. It’s a formatting issue with mobile vs browser (She has them on individual text lines so they don’t appear on mobile).
Was just going to respond to the user in question to let them know I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend that individual, to discover I’m not able to post or make comments on world now, so figured I’d see what y’alls opinion on the matter is.
I know that for some people it’s quite a struggle. Whether it is their focus, lazyness, energy levels, unwillingness during their toilet time or something else.
So, I’d say no. That’s part of why I usually just go for they/them. Just like when you don’t know someone’s pronouns irl
Then there are those of us who grew up in an era where usernames either didn’t matter or didn’t exist (depending on the platform), so you quickly became conditioned to just not reading their name let alone clicking into their whole account to see who they are. I am guilty of it, but people looking at your profile is creepy.
I know that on Reddit before I left, the only time I ever took a good hard look at someone else’s account is if they said something that made me so unbelievably angry that I had to look at everything else they said to find something to clap back with. By the time I would get partway through their post history, I would realize that I let a random stranger on the internet tilt me and then I’d calm down and feel stupid for a while before going back to my own business.
We are all strangers on the internet. Let’s keep it that way.
Right, do tell me how “semperverus” or “edie” tells me anything about gender? Yes, I know my profile is empty with just some comments, feel free to be as creeped out as you like.
Looking trough your profile I can’t figure out your gender either. Just a fanatic use of slurs
when unsure or lazy i use they/them
yes, it takes 2 seconds and minimal effort.
Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler
This is what I try to do. This has been made slightly more difficult after “they” became a pronoun in its own right. I’ve only had one person get upset by my using “they” before knowing their preferred pronouns though, and when my intent was clarified it was fine. But like damn what other default pronoun exists? I guess this is what getting old feels like, it’s not like Iwant to be a boomer about this.
0·5 months agoI use they/them as a default. I’ll catch myself in using them and go “wait, what is this persons pronouns” and check, on platforms like Lemmy that have it, their display name for pronouns, and if there aren’t any, then bio. If neither have any pronouns I’ll use they/them. If there are pronouns I will not use they/them unless listed.
To clarify, I’ve never had anyone online get upset with me using they/them, it’s only been in person, after hearing about my conversation with someone else from that second person. I was just left scratching my head with that one, like at least I was trying right? Ultimately though I’ve never experienced being misgendered, by accident or intentionally, so idk how it feels, idk how it feels after the thousandth time, and so I can’t really be mad about it back you know? I was just more sad that the default globally applicable pronoun wasn’t anymore, even if it usually still is.
i find this very easy on lemmy, in english. i’m usually talking to folks more than about them. if i do want to talk about someone, i’ll check their profile, or default to ‘they’ if data is lacking, but it’s a rare enough thing so as to be little burden.
I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.
I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned–if it was clearly not harrassment.
I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.
Again, anyone please don’t take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.
On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me “Sir Or Madame” as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn’t even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.
I think you shouldn’t assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn’t check her profile which says she’s a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I’ve especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
On the internet as a whole? Sure, you have a point.
But on Lemmy I’m fairly certain the demographic is at least 80% male in the same way there’s an over-representation of Linux users. If you assume a user is male you’re going to be right the vast majority of the time. It’s not sexism it’s statistically a reasonable guess.
This is deeply shitty. If you’re right that >80% of people on Lemmy are men (I’m not sure I buy that), then it’s even worse to assume everyone is a man. What you’re doing is chasing off the already extremely outnumbered non-men. If you want this place to be welcoming to people who aren’t men, then you need to change your behavior.
I didn’t say or imply anything about behavior. Just that merely having the assumption is not sexist. I didn’t even say people should have that assumption, just that it’s statistically reasonable which it is.
Your comment here does more to chase people away than what I said. Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
It’s sexist because you assume male to be the default, just like the assumption that white is the default skin color is racist. The behavior outlined by the user above you follows from this thinking. Driving non-men away is a result of this behavior, which is the result of the sexist attitude that it’s okay to assume everyone online (or on Lemmy) is a man.
The only people driven away by eir comment are misogynists.
Ok, then try your comment again. What is it that you’re saying here?
does more to chase people away than what I said
If it means you leave and take your horrible take with you, I’m all for it.
Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
Right right, which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance that most people hate? No, no, it must be that they are all the hated people!
Weird, all those instances are perfectly content to allow fascists on their instances. I wonder if these two things are related? No, no, better just keep posting like a redditor and never bother with introspection.
Yeah no, hexbear is simply an awful place to go which gets closer and closer to a echo chamber every day. But do keep on telling people to have some introspection without any yourself.
which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Being a selfish liberal with bad takes that can’t handle pushback from the left is common, yes.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance
Lots of terrible things are very popular. Are you going to tell me that McDonald’s is the pinnacle of fine dining, too?
Yeah, it could only be selfish liberals right? Get over yourself.
If that comment would chase you away, then I think that would be good for you to be chased away
Generally I wouldn’t take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
You know what, that’s fair. I am a hog for dunks and we do like to deploy the ppb
I lurk quite a bit, rarely comment or post. Have seen a lot of complaints about the Hexbearers, didn’t think they were too bad (well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently). However overall the community provides some high quality content/insight.
well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently
Like what, pray tell?
I’m sure 80% of them are lovely people, but the minority are so damn loud and travel in packs
Scares off libs and wreckers
Generally I wouldn’t take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
Considering what you just posted here and the context of the responses you expected:
Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides…
both sides
“Both sides” sophistry rhetoric was old and tired a decade ago. It’s very obvious where you stand behind that crumbling mask of enlightened centrism.
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Bad bot. You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
Bad bot.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC, A Bedtime Story For Scratched Liberals.
You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick. Find another one, bucko.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC
Nah, just the accounts that come out of nowhere to post irrelevant nonsense that has nothing to do with the discussion.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick.
I don’t follow propagandists such as him, but you must be a big fan to be so familiar with him, which is entirely unsurprising to me as your entire instance appears to be 4chan users doing a poor job of cosplaying as leftists.
Lmao at the fucking audacity to post the most common drivel known to man and then call @UlyssesT@hexbear.net a bot
I could train an LLM on Reddit and have it spit out your dime-a-dozen takes after 5 minutes. I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.That’s typical though, it’s always the most average NPC-types that think they’re big thinkers with big thoughts the rest of us haven’t heard before. Your type will wander into any conversation and say “heh, but what about [thing everyone knows], bet you didn’t consider that!”
and if you get any pushback it’s obviously not because people are capable of independent thought - you aren’t, and you’re so smart!In conclusion fuck your mother
I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.
Thanks, I suppose.
Hahaha I tried to find a way to express your ability to create funny new phrasings, while still sticking to theme of the text (drivel, spit, etc) without being mean. Didn’t quite work sadly
just the accounts that come out of nowhere
I’ve been around for years. I existed outside of your bubble and you can’t banish me with solipsism or fantasies of being the Main Character while pretending that people you disagree with are bots/NPCs or whatever you want to fantasize about.
The fact that you so quickly dehumanize people you argue with just screams cryptofascist tendencies. You’d love to wear the armband and put “bots” in mass graves, wouldn’t you?
your entire instance appears to be 4chan users
You say this while being that mad that pronoun preferences exist somewhere that you do not approve of.
Lmao I’ve interacted with plenty of hexbear users but this comment takes the cake as one of the most unhinged, off the wall comments I’ve ever read.
Congrats for being on lemmy for years, but that has nothing to do with anything said here, nor does pronoun preference.
It’s no wonder you all need to travel in packs. Without your fellow cult-like cosplayers manipulating the discussion with your blatant falsehoods and fabrications, you’d find zero support and be all alone and on display as the charlatans that you are.
Lmao
Not fooling me.
I’ve interacted with plenty of hexbear users
You aren’t demonstrating any knowledge or understanding, just entrenched liberal smugness.
most unhinged
Liberals try to describe those that disagree with them without ableism challenge. Difficulty level: “DAE LE UNHINGED.”
cult-like cosplayers
Being a status quo defending default state smug bootlicker for western hegemony doesn’t require a costume, just the belief that you’re smart by accepting whatever the powerful decide to do.
you’d find zero support and be all alone
Is Hexbear a “hivemind” that “travels in packs” or sad lonely people? Make up your mind; otherwise you’re just barking out ur-fascist “the enemy is both too strong and too weak” talking points.
I will not have you slander the comrade who finally sent
to hell to become 
.
What app do you use? Last I checked, pronouns are part of display names for Hexbear users. You shouldn’t have to check profiles. That’s the whole point of them being included in display names. Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.
Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.
Even if pronouns aren’t displayed, it takes even less effort to use neutral pronouns for everyone unless you know otherwise.
And how does one do that while meming “the man, the myth, the legend”?
They can find another line, or skip trying to be funny altogether if the only way they can think of is gendered and they can’t be arsed to check the gender of the person they’re talking to.
And lets be honest - it wasn’t that good a joke.
Either way, it really isn’t fucking difficult, and is definitely easier than whatever the fuck this mess is.
Mess seems like a strong word to use. So, to clarify, you’re saying that you are of the opinion that unless you’re sure of an internet strangers pronouns, you shouldn’t use gender specific cultural references to refer to them when making a joke?
Jerboa, made an edit on the post asking for a free Lemmy mobile recommendation that has the feature.
I’m on jerbora as well and can see the previous person’s pronouns, but it could be an instance specific thing.
I checked on my desktop, they were appearing on there ??
Jerboa is honoring the newlines in my display name (whereas web browsers will just substitute newlines for spaces). I just didn’t think about the fact that it would only display one line.
This is what it should look like:
∞🏳️⚧️Edie [it/its, she/her, fae/faer, love/loves, ze/hir, des/pair, null/void, none/use name, kitty]Fact checking and technical diagnosis, I appreciate your contributions to the platform.
Use Thunder. Its on Fdroid. Or you can grab it straight from Github with Obtanium.
No.
Girl, you’re good. It’s all a simulation.
Always has been
I personally try to avoid gendered language, but if I do use it, I tend to check their profile-bio :)
Sometimes moderation is ridiculous. More “zealous” moderation teams just strike everyone relentlessly. Usually the kind of people that make boomers label every young people as snowflakes
Back when I was on Reddit, on the LTT subreddit, I started reading rumours that formerly known as Anthony (I am here meming with the whole X ordeal), had transitioned into Emily, and I checked the website sorta confused. I thought it was just a mistake or a joke until I saw it actually confirmed. So I did that whole party meme with me at the corner not realising that he had transitioned into she, and everyone else already having congratulated her. This got me banned.
Why would I give a shit what boomers think of me?
For someone calling queers snowflakes you sound real salty over being banned for transphobia over a year ago
People get banned for less while certain other shit just stays up. It is all about mods bias, thats just how things are.
More “zealous” moderation teams just strike everyone relentlessly. Usually the kind of people that make boomers label every young people as snowflakes
So your concern is that boomers will get upset about it, not that boomers are fucking ridiculous lead-brained assholes that can’t handle change?
Just be more careful with gendered language. Also, the trans flag was right there
I did not know that was the trans flag. Appreciate ya letting me know >_<
“The them, the myth… the X”. Forsure, that does seem more meme anyways.
What did you think it was… the flag of Cista Roca?
I am tickled by this and fully support your TIL process.
There are a lotta flags out there. Like dog, most Americans in NYC ouldn’t even point to Iraq on a map, many even pointing to the US when asked where Iraq was… As we were actively invading them post 9/11.
Id bet 100$ if there was a test of the general populace on knowing what that flag was, the pass rate would be below 5%.
As soon as I realized that it was similar to the Costa Rican flag but with 1 inversion, and switching the vowels of the latter out yielded “Cis”, I had to make the pun.
Dogs have a flag now? Truly woke has gone too far
I thought it was an emoji of a piece of saltwater taffy.
Mmmm taffy
Happy to help, and don’t feel down for the restriction, in today’s hellworld where people’s identities are constantly and violently challenged it’s hard to not be jumpy when something doesn’t seem right
Maybe a stupid question, but how do I tell from the flag whether that’s a trans fem or trans masc?
If it’s an ambiguous name you might have to check. Fortunately, Edie is an unambiguously female name, and the clear majority of binary trans people pick clearly gender-coded names.
I always read it as Eddie 👉👈
I suppose it’s unambiguous to you, but I had never heard of the name before
It… It is? I am not a native speaker but I would’ve for sure thought it was a male name…
Fortunately, Edie is an unambiguously female name,
Is it? My first glance would assume it’s some variant spelling of Eddie. Never run into anyone called Edie.
It’s an unambiguos female name in english maybe. OP might be from an english-speaking country, but you really can’t make this sort of assumption on a global website
you really can’t make this sort of assumption
That was the original point about gendered language but you seem to have flipped it on its head.
I just got woooshed. My apologies.
You don’t but you’ll know that it probably matter that you get it right
You can’t. Best to use they and other neutral ways of referring to some{one/many} unless you check or are corrected.
There are no stupid questions, but the one you should ask yourself is “should i try to use gender neutrale language and/or check their bio or should i not care and risk hurting someone?”
If you care about not hurting people, you’ll find the right answer, and if an honest mistake happens, own it and people will generally be understandable. It’s really not that different from common courtesy, it just isn’t the norm yet
I personally prefer to stick to gender neutral language in general. Maybe it’s my autism, but a lot of the time profiles don’t help me much unless there are preferences are listed explicitly
I too stick to gender neutral language in general, it just feels better to do so when i don’t know who is “in front” of me. When profiles don’t help I think it’s best to not assume anything and just speak neutrally
So, to be clear, you want people to treat trans people differently than everyone else?
You weren’t misgendering; you were meming. Modifying one part of “the man, the myth, the X” to adapt it to the situation is fine and good, but when you start swapping out too much of it (“the X, the myth, the Y” – or worse, “the X, the Y, the Z”) you lose the reference.
Yeah that’s my thought. It’s an expression. I’ve said things like “c’mon man” to people IRL I know to be women, without complaint. If I was using the word “man” in this kind of way and the person I was saying it to asked me not to, I would of course respect their wishes and stop doing it to them, but I’ve not seen it happen before.
But a third person coming in to whinge when the person I was talking to had no complaint? 🙄
(As a side note, with this specific expression I quite like the alternative of “the ma’am…”. That helps it scan exactly the same as the original phrase.)
And other people deliberately use all of the “come on man” and “Hey mate” and “Dude is not gendered” explicitly at trans people, because it lets them get away with misgendering. So trans people, who experience that stuff every day, can be a little sensitive when someone does that, even if they aren’t doing it deliberately.
In this case, not knowing the person, and not having access to their pronouns, the comment was fine. But once you know it’s an issue, repeating it despite knowing it’s an issue is a shitty thing to do.
