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I was a penguin. I was waiting in line at the Harold Washington library in Chicago to get an autograph from Neal Stephenson. I had to keep looking over my shoulder, because there were wanted posters up everywhere with my penguin face on them, because I was being hunted for a crime I didn’t commit.

I don’t remember my dreams more than a couple of days back let alone immediately after waking up most of the time, so the most recent one I remember was 2 nights ago. I was singing Still A Friend of Mine as a duet with Maysa Leak and while singing, she was scratching away a piece of dry skin on my forehead.

In my 20’s I had three dreams. The first I was at my parents house preparing for a zombie invasion. I knew we would be fine if I found “it” (no idea what it was) but was unable to in the dream. The second dream I was at the office trying to find “it” again and knew I only had three chances. The third dream I was in the desert at the mouth of a skull shaped cave. I had a shovel and knew it was my last chance to find “it”. I failed and awoke knowing I had lost something important but undefinable. The dreams were all about a month apart and so vivid they felt real.

Another interesting note on my dreams is almost all of the really intensely real dreams I’ve been able to recall take place in different parts of the same “world”. Sometimes in the dream I can recall other dreams and where they are in relation to the current dream, most often I make the connection after waking.

There’s a bunch that I don’t remember, but I got bit by a spider and the bite turned into a mushroom and it grew and changed into a bunch of rainbow colors. We caught the spider and it was a clown recluse. I guess even my sleeping brain makes dumb puns.

My work was transferring me to Tajikistan to expand our operations. Tajikistan is a landlocked country and my work sells fishing equipment… Also, they had incredibly advanced technology like holographic billboards and flying cars.

Having dreams. :(

This is a joke. I’m fine.

I once dreamed that I was going to visit my parents and their neighborhood had turned into a cross between a zombie apocalypse and a warzone, there were gangs running around cutting people up in the streets and shit. I was dodging all these crazy people and managed to find one house that looked normal amidst the choas and carnage and was hiding behind a tree in the yard when some guy came up to me and was like ‘Oh hey mister, you don’t want to be hiding here, the folks who live here don’t take kindly to that sort of thing.’ Come to find out the house was owned by my parents, and when the guy found out that’s who I came to visit he was like ‘Oh shit you’re with them?! All of this is their fault! Fuck you man!’ and tried to attack me, but I woke up.

I don’t remember it fully since it was years ago.

I had a date with a nice girl and we talked a lot. The weird thing was that she was naked, but this was because of her super powers.

I remember that we had an engaging conversation and that everything around us was surreal but not much more.

Planet from the Daft Punk video with the blue aliens was going through an apocalypse. I woke up crying.

One time I had a dream that I was purposely misgendered and then spent like 4 hours just repeatedly beating the person.

It’s the only violent dream I can ever remember having so idk where it came from

I somewhat recently had a pretty weird dream that I was a lust demon who helped other demons fight evil demons.

It starts off with me being back in high school but I noticed that something was off. All the girls there were very interested in me, even going as far as the try and flash me when they walked past. At the end of the day, I had to stay over because there was a book fair (or something, I don’t remember what it was). As I was getting my stuff to leave, I heard a weird voice coming from one of the classrooms. When I walked in, I saw one of my teachers talking to himself in the mirror but for some reason, he looked and sounded like Conan O’Brien.

At first I tried to pretend I didn’t notice but he saw me and explained to me that he was a pride demon who can both shape-shift and mimic voices. He then mentioned that he could sense that I was one of them and taught me how to awaken my powers. As a lust demon, along with having tentacles, my abilities were super strength and speed and an unnatural attractiveness. After that the school was attack by demons who created these magic cubes that would trap and crush the other students who were also still there.

I fought them off and escaped to the roof tops of some nearby buildings. My teacher, who still looked like Conan, came to the same roof top to tell me that the rest of the demons were dealt with. Then another demon hunter came and asked why I was there. I showed her my tentacles and she briefly seemed surprised but then went back to looking angry and looked away from me. She then said something like “You’re a lust demon? Fine.” and flew away and I woke up shortly after.

When I was a kid, I had what I now believe is a nightmare but at the time I was so confused it wasn’t even scary lol.

I wake up in my bedroom (in dreamland) and I INSTANTLY know that something is wrong. I run to the apartment windows and start locking them. Then I look outside, and I see these… shark/jellyfish hybrids? Think mermaid rules, with the shark head top and jellyfish tentacles for the bottom. But they’re just slowly floating across the ground, going home to home and devouring anyone that opens their door. So I RUN to the door to make sure it’s locked, but when I get there my parents had already answered.

As my parents got eaten (very quickly mind you) I run back to my bedroom and I hide behind the door. (THE DOOR? USE THE CLOSET AT LEAST ARGHHHH) A few moments later, as I’m hiding, I start feeling an intense buzzing in my head. Slowly, I see one enter my bedroom and pan around, obviously searching for something. It’s weird little tentacles going over everything. Suddenly, it turns to face me and that shark head just breaks out in a HUGE grin.

Unfortunately, that was when I woke up. I’ll never know what happened to dream me, but I’d like to think it was quick at least.

Standing on the side of a road (a real road here in town) with a group, waiting for a bus, when the ground underneath us starts to rise - it’s not the ground, it’s a giant spider! And as it emerges and starts lumbering down the road we realize it is also our transportation, the bus stop was the bus.

I think that was the weirdest moment I have experienced.

It wasn’t the content of the dream, but the nature of the dream itself. Ever have a dream that seems like it’s years long? I woke up a little disoriented and feeling like I had lived another life.