Life is pain. I have felt the same in the past. Maybe Buddhism could help to understand. It did for me.
from https://www.worldhistory.org/Four_Noble_Truths/:
Life is suffering
The cause of suffering is craving
The end of suffering comes with an end to craving
There is a path which leads one away from craving and suffering
You haven’t ended suffering if you still crave something, in this case nirvana. I don’t crave nirvana, I am and enjoy what is there and endure what I don’t like. What else is there to do?
I’m not really sure if nirvana is possible and I don’t really care, but I feel and understand the logic behind it. It helped me much in the past.
Everyone has its own path. I wish you well