Just in case someone runs into this. “I do not consent to any searches”
spoiler
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“Please don’t search my butthole.”
“No really. PLEASE do not, no matter what you do, do not search my butthole. Please.”
And then get probable caused
What’s in the car?
Paperwork officer. Got dinner plans?
Anything in the car I should know about?
Yep, the mother fucking 4th Amendment is in here.
I am sorry I am not familiar with it. I am going to have to look around your car so I can find it and read it.
Now I know it would piss them off. I might just print it out. Just because.
If I have nothing to hide, the cop has nothing to see.
Why does the cop have a flashlight?
Because they normally can’t just walk up immediately pointing their gun at you. Yet.
You must be white.
“I’m sorry officer, I… didn’t know I couldn’t do that.”
Because it would be weird if he had a fleshlight instead
There’s a funny story from the Holocaust (yeah… bear with me)
Nazis come into Corrie Ten Boom’s household, and they’re hiding Jews. Corrie’s sister has… perhaps an over-developed sense of honesty. Nazis demand, “where are the Jews!” The sister replies truthfully, “under the table.” Nazis don’t want to fall for it and look stupid so they don’t look under the table, and leave without finding them!
Once had a cop ask me “got anything in your pockets you’re not supposed to have?”
Little the cop knows that had you brother baseball cards in your pocket without your brothers permission
“Talk to my lawyer.”
Turns hand into a mouth
*Bright sunny day*
*Points flashlight*
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