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My mom died.
My father taught me to hate myself.
Their struggles with alcoholism led to me becoming an alcoholic, which nearly killed me multiple times, and did end up killing my mom before she was 60.
Fortunately I got sober a year before she passed. I’d have almost certainly drank myself to death had I not.
I love my parents. We did what we could to get by. Sometimes thet means pushing the expiration dates on food. This lead me to associate meat with illness. I ended up becoming a vegetarian at a very young age; before I knew what that even was. Meat still grosses me out to this day.
Interesting how experiences shape us. Glad it sounds like you have mainly positives with respect to your parents.
Yes, no regrets there.
Their utter disregard for me as a person, as demonstrated in particular by the sudden violent outbursts and beatings, was not a great time. Probably the worst, though, was when they disowned me. They apparently didn’t like what they had made.
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My parents weren’t bad parents. They did their absolute best to raise me coming from trauma themselves. They still don’t even know they suffer from it. Their trauma made me feel like I was not good enough. However, I will pass intrinsic value and compassion on to my kids.
My mother passive aggressively bullied me regarding potential love interests to the point I was absolutely terrified of even mentioning boys from my class as dealing with her unfounded teasing was unbearable. This didn’t help at all with my romantic relationships, I was always lacking in support in the area as I turned the topic into a taboo during my adolescent years, at home in particular.
As for my father it’s not much what he did but what he didn’t do. He’s one of the smartest men I’ve ever met, he is good at managing his finances and networking yet he never gave me much support or pushed me to achieve anything in these areas - when he did it was briefly in the form of criticism. Again, this also snowballed into an adulthood problem I’m still grappling with.
I’m a guy but I had a very similar experience with my mother basically making it an embarassment to talk or let alone date anyone. I missed out on a lot of things before I realized that what was going on wasn’t normal.
And then they wonder why you don’t tell them things about your life, like what your hobbies are (if you are even able to enjoy hobbies anymore) or what you’re enjoying.
I do have hobbies and enjoy them, but I tend to hide everything from them, even meaningless things.
What pisses me off mostly is how much I missed out on when I was younger for her stupid ideas, things like “you want a wife from your city”, “but she’s black!” (yes, I’m into black women), “he’s gay, if you go out with him everyone will think you’re gay”, “the trip is too long”, shit like that…
Really doesn’t sound bad at all compared to most people out there. Especially without concrete examples.
This isn’t a contest. OP asked what was the worst, and this is it for me. It’s damaging enough for me, and it’s very hard to give concrete examples because it was damage over time. Personality also plays a role; it’s possible that other kids in my shoes wouldn’t have felt this as something too damaging, everyone is different.
Both my parents have been very supportive and nurturing in almost every other aspect but those I mentioned. I know there are some horrific stories out there, I hope yours isn’t one of them.
That’s horrible and a great way at making sure your child hides their love life and possibly makes impulsive and dangerous decisions.
My parents pulled out a pack of condoms from my toiletries bag one time I visited for the weekend during university and my dad mocked me for having them.
That first paragraph pretty much summarizes my love life, fortunately I’m not one for dangerous but plenty of stupid.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling :(
Birthed me. Then they had the audacity to celebrate it each year there after.
On the bright side, life is a terminal STD with 100% mortality rate
When I was 15 or so my dad made a fake AIM address and posed as a girl from my school so he could encourage me to masturbate with the child porn he was sending me. When i got freaked out and stopped responding he called my phone and said that “the girl from school” was bothering him at work and I needed to keep talking with *her". I didn’t figure out that it was him until a decade later later. I remember panicking all night about what I knew was illegal images, so I told him what happened and he just mocked me for not knowing how to do an ip trace to see who it was.
Dad was a real piece of shit. But that was the worst thing he did to me personally.
I’m not an expert but this sounds like a crime punishable by law. Holy crap
So… Did anything happen with Dad and his illegal pictures?
Sorry if it’s personal, I’m just kinda nosy
Nope. It wasn’t until after he died that I went to therapy and started talking about the memory before putting it all together. Dad worked in IT security so I don’t doubt he was careful.
The closest that he came to consequences that I know about, is when the FBI came to his house to interview me. My parents were divorced and I spent 50/50 with each parent. My mother’s boyfriend was being accused of seeding a torrent filled with CP, and the FBI came to ask me if I knew anything. This was around the time of the AIM incident. Dad wasn’t home and was pretty upset that I let them inside.
Anyways, it took nearly a decade and countless dollars in lawyer fees for the case against my (by then) step-dad to be dropped. The FBI can led the court date after we uncovered hard proof that he wasn’t even home that day, but it had already cost him his career. Unlike my Dad, my step dad wasn’t a tech person, like at all. So while I don’t have any proof or idea how, I’m fairly certain that somehow my dad got access to his laptop to frame him.
Which is why I said that the AIM thing is only the worst thing he did to me. Another runner up would be the statutory rape of my mom when she was 14 and he was 20 that led to my birth. Unfortunately, the theme of child exploitation runs through many chapters in my Dad’s angry miserable life.
Wow that’s fucking terrible. I really hope things have gotten at least a little better, if not easier, since then.
Kicked me out after high school. I ended up homeless for months. That was years ago, but the psychological damage never goes away. To this day I don’t spend money on furniture because I’m too scared I’ll lose everything again somehow. Even my computers have to be laptops forever now because I feel like if I get a desktop I’ll be fucked into losing it if I end up homeless again.
Its fucked up that it is normalized to kick your kid out in the west, no one deserves to go through this and I cannot imagine being that heartless
Well, I know that I definitely have normal parents after reading some posts. Worst would be things like spankings or maybe getting yelled at when I was older. Or the time my mom wanted to beat my ass with a marble rolling pin for how much of an asshole teenager I was being. Did get beat once with a plastic broom, but considering no harm came out of it, I’d say I was a lucky person.
Edit:
It was supposed to be a punishment, but it failed miserably since I didn’t learn anything, nor had any bad consequences come of it, but I did once have my bedroom door removed for a reason I don’t remember. Just set up a blanket as a makeshift door.
Goes to show that most people aren’t ready to be parents and need a good hard look at their life before getting into that, as well as at least some sort of parenting education.
My dad dropped me on my face from about 4 feet high (Not joking)
My dad faked having brain cancer when I was 9 to cover up a drug problem. He sent me to live with my mom to party while I believed he was on the brink of death.
We have a strained relationship now.
They died. At very crucial points in my life. My dad 4 years ago, i mom 1.5 months ago.
Its litterally the worst thing they ever did.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I comfort myself with the idea that it must be harder to lose a child. I suppose that will have to be enough :(
On my 18th birthday I wanted to go out and spend the day with friends. My parents said they didn’t want me to and they wanted me to stay home. I said I was 18 and an adult and I wanted to spend my birthday out with my friends.
I leave and enjoy a few hours until I get a phone call from my dad. He says “Come home immediately, there’s been a huge accident with mom and your youngest brother. We need you home ASAP”.
I rush home in a panic, spent an hour on the way home preparing myself for the possibility that half my family had died.
Only to find out that he had “played a joke on me” to get me to come home as a power move. No accident. No ambulance, no injuries.
“You think you’re an adult but I will ALWAYS be in charge of you” was what he said.
I’m 30 now and haven’t spoken to him in over a decade. I don’t think much about him since he’s pathetic, but when I do, I imagine that he’s rotting alone and unable to manipulate other peoples physchology and emotions 🙂
That’s psychotic.
