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I think putting over 10 years towards a goal and never achieving it means you should just give up
What goal?
Cutting ties with family and moving out. Every apartment costs at least 20% more than I make monthly, a mortgage is out of the question after losing my credit last year, and working while living with these people is not sustainable. Every roommate is basically family but worse and there’s no way I’m moving out from living with family to live with someone worse than family. Even if I find roommates that aren’t nicotine or marijuana users, they’ll be something worse the minute I’m stuck with them. No one knows how it feels being the only person who doesn’t use that stuff, and being antagonized by groups of people withdrawing from it.
Maybe throwing up walls and assuming something will be wrong with somebody before you’ve even met them is shooting yourself in the foot a bit, don’t ya think?
Ah, its okay to live with parents. I mean you might have other reason to want to move out, and I get that. People want independence, and that’s okay. But like in this economy, its probably not a good idea to try living by yourself unless you get lucky and find a high paying job.
If your parents are okay with you staying with them, you should stay. Because if you cant afford to live by yourself, then roommates are necessary, but then when you think about it, aren’t parents just like roommates? I mean you can think of parents like roomates that happen to be related to you. I mean, I have a relative that have a few of rentals as investment and their tenants are always either romantically involved, or roommates. Like nobody in this economy is really living by themselves.
TLDR; If your parents are okay with you living with them, then just accept their welcome. Not every parent allows their kids to live with them. Its not your fault, its the economy.
Edit: Well its also the housing crisis. Both the economy and housing crisis are to blame.
I disagree. Living independently can be of massive importance for some people’s mental health. If this person needs 20% more money and they feel like their parents contributed to their stunted growth, they should consider side hustles like Uber, DoorDash, Fiver, or a part time job.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up; don’t make yourself look like a fool.”
Can’t remember where I first saw that quote, but it stuck with me.
You don’t give up ever.
You pursue a better solution whenever one presents itself.
There are things I’ve put a long, long “pause” on, just to avoid frustration. But I approach most things like an animal pacing a cage, always looking for a way through.
Never discount the power of small success, consistently repeated. If you’re making progress, no matter how small, you’re making progress.
There’s no one answer fits all.
On life? Never. On your goals? Depends? On self-destruction behaviour? Now. On those you love? Never. On business ventures that don’t take off? You tell me.
Point is: life is rarely black & white. Treat it with the color and nuance that makes it what it is.
Why never on life, just asking. If it was completely ruined from the start, why not give up? If you spill ink over a painting, it’s ruined and you toss it out.
The japanese philosophy of Kintsugi may help you look at things differently. Impurities are what make us all unique. Nothing in nature is perfect.
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20210107-kintsugi-japans-ancient-art-of-embracing-imperfection
It’s practically impossible to fix a painting covered in ink. It’s never too late for a life to change.
No one has ever fixed their lives after 20. It only gets worse if you’re not rich as a teenager or popular online before then. Everything after 20 is just drug addiction and fighting. And even if someone manages to fix their lives later, it’s always in old age where it wouldn’t have mattered. Yeah… all that work and uphill grinding for one week of freedom, sooooo worth it.
As someone just getting started with their twenties, I don’t believe it’s already over for me. And because I refuse to believe it, I continue to fight, one day at a time, until I eventually disprove the claim “it’s over after 20.”
I was absolutely miserable during my teen years, never fit in with my peers since i wasn’t too keen on drinking (yes, i am from europe, drinking at 16 is the norm), along with my quarrel with my gender and sexuality (i didn’t fully realise until quite recently, still ongoing)
And in the last few years, it has been slowly going up. Of course there were setbacks, failures, hurdles with no end. But dsspite that, I kept going, mostly because of momentum. And now I am considerably better than even just 2 years ago.
It gets better. You just have to be around to see it for yourself.
Everything after 20 is just drug addiction and fighting.
What are you talking about?! The number of people who have never even conceive of drug addiction, let alone suffering it, is staggering.
I think no one has their life together at their twenties. At your thirties things start to calm down, and gives you the oppertunity to organise your life. Only then you know who you are and what you want from life, and then you can change up your life for it to be what you want it to be.
Everyone else does between 15 and 19, they have their own houses and cars they bought with their jobs, yet I’m almost 30 and I have nothing. Everyone else is getting married at 23. At 30 I’ll still be trying to move out just like I will be at 50, and 80, and after retiring I’ll still be trying to move out by gambling or grinding online stuff until I die in the house I’ll stuck in. Might as well cut my losses.
Everyone else does between 15 and 19
No they don’t. It just looks like it. At 30 the things they found important at 18 aren’t important anymore. Priorities shift.
Everyone else is getting married at 23
I literally know no-one that was married at 23.
At 30 I’ll still be trying to move out
Just like a lot of people of this generation. They are fucked by housing prices.
So you’re not alone in this. I think most people are in a similar situation. Try to find people that can support and help you. Just don’t give up, you never know what happens tomorrow.
There’s a lot of “all or nothing” thinking here. Have you tried talking this out with a therapist you trust at all?
Wishing you the best, friend, from someone who’s actively fixing their life before I turn 45. It’ll take time to get there. I’m totally enjoying the reduced stress, anxiety and depression as I work on it.
As someone who definitely fixed their life after 20, broke it again, fixed it again, and then broke it again again, and is in the process of fixing it, this is an inaccurate statement.
Life isn’t a clean story with a straightforward plot. It is twirling through space while trying to hoist yourself towards more desirable outcomes as much as you can. No matter how good you get at that, you will never be flying a jet—you are just a master tumbler.
Keep trying, keep learning, and see how things evolve.
No one has ever fixed their lives after 20. It only gets worse if you’re not rich as a teenager or popular online before then. Everything after 20 is just drug addiction and fighting.
That’s just not true. I was an unemployed drop out fire a while in my early 20s and got married and bought a house at 30.
My brother was a single father with a useless degree working part time at a pizza chain at 20. Through most of his 20’s he worked for a temp agency making minimum wage. Around 30 he found a job in a machine shop and they paid for his apprenticeship and now he’s their top employee. He’s in his late 30s now and is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
Another brother I have failed a bunch of high school classes, barely graduated, then turned a crappy construction job into becoming a union carpenter in his 20s. He owns a house, got back together his high school girlfriend. They have 3 kids and are a very happy family now.
Sure, life can be incredibly tough, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed at times. However, unlike a painting, life isn’t a static object. It has ups and downs, and even when things seem completely ruined, there’s always potential for change, growth and even thriving. I actually have a little experience with that.
Staying with your analogy: if you spill ink on a painting, you might see it as ruined at first. But some artists use those accidents to create something new and beautiful. Like so, life can take unexpected turns, and what seems like a disaster now might lead to new opportunities. I am the person I am partly due to troubles and disasters in my life. Could I do without those? Sure. Should I? Not sure.
That all said, if you’re feeling like ending it all I can only encourage you to reach out for support. Talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional in your area can make a big difference.
Your life is valuable. You are important and valuable.
You’re not alone. Definitely not with life. There are people who care about you and want to help.
I’ve seen you struggling with existential questions a lot here. Are you going to therapy?
There are so many people who deserve it more, now why would I block them from receiving help, so I could be an even bigger burdensome waste of resources? Bruh, come on. My mother literally took food from a food bank that she didn’t need, made each family member (except me because I’d escape) do it and take 4 times the amount alotted to each household, to just NOT use. Literally wasting resources that someone in need could use. Why would I do that myself?
I’m just saying if your life was ruined at the start then it’s ruined forever, either continue living a ruined life or give up.
You have all the right to claim a spot in society and use the resources it offers you. It is not wasted! You can turn things around if you really try. I would really urge you to seek out therapy.
Hatte to be mister smarty-pants here, but empirically if your life was ruined from the start, your chances of recovery through therapy are actually much higher then for someone who ruined it himself/got Ill later on in life.
The thing is: finding therapy that works for you is a process on its own. You will likely have to try a lot of them to find a good one who has free slots. But you will find one eventually and if you have it does help!
Just one word of caution: go to to ones who actually have a Dr./major/magister in psychology and are registered doctors.
I hope you life in a country with good universal healthcare, if so you can just go to a therapist (they offer single sittings for cases like that) and discuss with him what kind of therapy could work for you and what the next address can be.
I am someone who is not religious and believes everyone should have a free decision if they want to live or not, but my galeart says: man, don’t give yourself up, especially not because of damage inflicted on you by others. All the best from germany
I’ll say I’ve definitely struggled with the same feelings of someone else being in greater need than I am. And from my perspective, you are the person that deserves it more.
Have you ever thought about the first painful sensation a baby ever has? They have no frame of reference for it, and so in that moment it will have been the worst pain they have ever experienced. But to an older person, that same pain is probably just a pinch on the wrist. Does that mean that nobody should console the baby? Ease its pain? Maybe there are people in greater pain than you, or maybe you are the one in greater pain, and unless you have the ability to live another person’s experiences one-to-one, you will never know for sure. All that matters is that you are hurting. Don’t deprive yourself of help just because of some torturous hypothetical.
Hmm, let’s ask Rick Astley that one.
not yet…
not even two days from now.
Honestly if I don’t have $100,000 by 11/25 I’m ending it.
how are you going to get $100,000?
I won’t.
Look mate, start investing into Chinese weapons manufacturing stocks. It might not pay out big next month but I PROMISE you will see sustained returns on your investment in the near future!
Come hell or highwater your profits will increase!
Or any other military complex, war is money
Why do you need $100,000 by 11/25?
When a better path forward has presented itself
After you spoke to a therapist
never.
I like your questions blues. I feel we have come from similar backgrounds. I’ve just passed the 20s, and my life has been not worth it. I’d be relieved to die any day (or to have died at any point prior). My parents were abusive, my extended family were dysfunctional, and my childhood was isolation incarnate. I think this question’s heading is life, although it skirts around that. Suicide is painful. If anyone manages to commit then that’s the right time for them. It really is not something one can just “choose”. It’s not a choice.
I don’t think material conditions play much into this decision, though when articulated it may appear they do. “I don’t have friends,” “I don’t have a car”, “I don’t have a non-degrading job”, “I don’t have a house”, etc. It’s a feeling. One could have everything they thought they craved and still feel miserable and despondent. One could have nothing and be in high spirits. I don’t think anyone knows how to control emotions enough that they’re able to guide someone to a social ‘norm’. I’d suggest engaging with doctors though, and that ranges through to the general practitioner to the specialized psychiatrist, and all those professions in between.
History abounds with morose writings. It’s not a new question, and I don’t think it’ll ever have a definitive answer. Just keep trying different things, and keep talking to others as much as you can, because whilst an individual might not have a definitive answer you usually can find something with enough data.
Regularly assess the goals that you had when starting the endeavor and decide if you’d start the initiative then if you had the information you have now. What investment is lost if you stop now?
If this is about relationships, that’s another story.
when its not giving up but moving on.
