There’s a weird feel from this comic for me. I’m glad that these two people could have an amicable divorce. I think the thing that feels off is how casual the decision feels in the comic. I suspect this might be why some people are having a negative reaction as well.
Even if you think marriage isn’t forever, it’s still a promise to love and care about someone, to cherish them and share your life with them. I think if you’ve been in a marriage and seen your loved one through hard times together, this comic just feels capricious. A discussion about ending such an important component of your life happening in the span of two panels in a car ride just feels abrupt and unserious.
I imagine in real life the conversation was more serious and the impact of changing you relationship from one of romantic love to friendship weighed on both parties more than the comic has space to show.
If you’ve loved and supported your spouse through difficult and unexpected change or been the recipient of that love and support, this comic can feel dismissive. If you’ve gone through the heartache of losing your special person, even if they are still a part of your life, the celebratory tone sounds wrong.
I am happy that they can separate and still care about each other, but I also understand why people feel like something is wrong about the comic.
Sometimes big life decisions come easy. Sometimes small life decisions come hard (no double entendre intended). As long as they’re both on the same page when it comes to commitment, hopefully the concerns you mentioned don’t apply to them and we can feel happy about it as a third-party spectator.
I liked that about the comic.
Our society has adopted this expectation that once a relationship has turned into love, it must remain that, and if its not eternal soul mates in total devotion, it’s not true love. You’re not allowed to dial it down, take a break from it or return to being friends, or it’s a “failed” relationship.
The message of the comic subverts this, showing that without such baggage, you could just change the relationship to something else and still be happy.
Instead, we assume from the beginning that the relationship is forever, throw our households together, and when the point would be right to return to normal friendship, we force ourselves to stick close until we can’t stand each other anymore.
The comic isn’t talking about love, it’s talking about marriage.
I’ll preface this with the fact that I’m a straight male atheist, and I’m married. My wife and I have had rough patches, as every relationship does, but I made a commitment to her. I swore an oath that I would support her through whatever happens in this life. I didn’t swear this to God or anybody but her and myself.
I’m a very principled person, one of those principles is that if you say you’re going to do something, you should try your level best to do it until it becomes clear it’s not possible. I don’t make promises I don’t expect to keep.
The thing that strikes me as off about this comic is the fact that they are married. If they’d just been partners, then that’s one thing, there’s less commitment there. But marriage is a commitment to a person. It’s not a promise to having sex or feeling romantic every single day, but just a promise that you’ll be there with them during the good times and the bad times. That you’ll support them in what they want to do. There’s no need for these people to divorce if one of their sexualities is changing, because marriage isn’t about the sex.
If my wife told me out of the blue that she thought she was interested in women, or might be trans, I would never offer divorce first. We’d have a conversation about what that means for our romantic relationship, but I still respect and care for her as a person, and would feel like I’m failing as a husband if I wanted to cut and run during a hard transition like that. I made a commitment to her, and if that’s what she wants to do, then I’ll ride it out and make sure she has as many resources as she can for a major change like that, and I know she’ll do the same thing for me. Hard times and changes don’t mean the end of a marriage, it means it’s time to buckle down, come together with your partner, and come up with a plan on how to face it together.
I also respect that nuance like that is impossible to fit into a single page comic like this, and there does seem to be that message of supporting your partner in their decisions. I just have issue with the flippant call for divorce. Relationships and people do change, and it’s good to talk about that and acknowledge that that we should support people when they change, but divorcing them is not supporting them. The comic would have been just as good if they left out the panel about divorce and just went to “my wife is single” because an open marriage is still a valid marriage, it just means you’re not devoting your genitals to one person.
I agree with you that our society puts a lot of importance on love, maybe too much. I’ll always love my wife, eventually. Believe me, marriage is hard, you’re not gonna feel the warm fuzzies every day, or maybe even every week, but the point is that you try. I promised myself to her because I love her. But my takeaway is that I loved her so much for years, that I promised I would always be there for her even if we’re both sick, or I’m mad at her for something, or if she’s changing as a person, and she promised the same thing. That commitment is more important than the love, because love is temperamental. You marry someone because you love them so much, you promise to be there even when you may not be feeling that love.
I’m a gay guy and I was in a relationship with someone for 10 years who came out as transgender and it ended our romantic/sexual relationship, though we’re still best friends and still live together even. If you haven’t experienced it I don’t really think you can understand how it feels to have a relationship end in this way - not because you stopped loving eachother or because you argued or anything like that, but just because someone’s gender identity or sexuality changed.
It’s sad, yes, but it’s also kind of happy, because you want your partner to self-actualise and become the person they truly want to be.
I’m assuming this scenario happened to someone in the real world, and I don’t think you should be telling them that they’re basically wrong for feeling this way about it.
I know the original artist isn’t in this thread, but I just wanted to say, artistically, they express a level of dynamism that’s lacking in a lot of artists.
I can see a favorable comparison to somebody like Kyle Baker who is just a freakin’ MASTER of dynamism.
My guess why this comic is confusing people here is simply due to the fact that the Lemmy community is primarily made up of middle aged straight men, many of whom have probably dealt with bitter divorce and find the base concept of this comic impossible to relate to.
If enough people don’t understand it, chances are the joke wasn’t fully flushed out. I understand it I just don’t think the punch line hit as well as it was intended. Maybe the last pane could have them having coffee and saying those things to an obvious suitor. Just an idea.
I disagree with the idea “you need to make your media as stupid as any potential audience”. Sometimes, people are too dumb to get something, and that’s okay.
Man, that is not my take on the lemmy community lol.
Are you a middle age straight man?
I don’t get it. Where is the joke. (Seriously, I’m lost)
Pretty sure it’s that they were a lesbian couple but one realises they’re a guy and the other realises they want kids so they break up but remain besties and try to set the other up
That’s pretty wholesome, tbh.
The link has extra panels and a comment from the artists that explains it more. This isn’t a joke so much as it is explaining their situation in a joking manner.
Amicable divorces are apparently funny?
I don’t know. It’s an odd one.
I do think amicable divorces are kind of a little funny
The joke is the absurd and funny statement, “ladies, my wife is single (and you should date her (implied))”. Basically they are best friends who broke up and now they are supporting the other dating by joking absurdity of the situation.
They’re married?
I guess they are acting right away instead of waiting for the paperwork to get sorted out.
Not really seeing this as a haha funny moment as much as it is two people who realize their marriage isn’t going to work out having a calm and rational discussion followed by being supportive of each other. Well, it isn’t long enough to show the passenger being supportive, but kind of assume they must be based on context.
In some states you have to be separated for at least a year to file for divorce.
Part of the humor comes from subverting the expectations. You might expect this kind of conflict- that one wants kids the other doesn’t, that one wants to change their gender expression into something the other doesn’t like- to cause conflict. Fighting. Anger.
Instead they just fully support each other.
Further, it subverts the mainstream possessiveness of partners. It’s very typical for people to be like “don’t be interested in my partner!” Or to be very uncomfortable with their ex seeing other people. Instead, this person is being very supportive of their person.
A lot of behavior in typical monogamous relationships is really shitty and selfish.
It’s not the funniest thing ever, but that’s how I see the mechanics of it working. Subverting some relationship expectations.
Instead they just fully support each other.
The driver saying they don’t line up with the passenger’s preference is the driver thinking things should end for the benefit of the passenger. I’m pretty sure the driver is still into the passenger, so breaking up is for the benefit of the passenger.
The passenger wants kids and the driver doesn’t. Breaking up is for the benefit of the passenger, not the driver.
So the driver is supportive of the passenger, but it is not reciprocated within this comic, including the extra panels.
It is still a positive outcome that is most likely a reflection of past support for each other that would add context, but if someone has only seen this one comic then it just looks like an amicable divorce with the driver hyping up their wife because the driver no longer align with their wife’s wants and needs.
I expected a comic strip to have a decent punch line and actually try to make the reader chuckle.
Boy, were my expectations subverted.
Comics don’t have to have a joke, they can just tell a story. This is a nice story of two people who care for and support each other in spite of discovering their selves and life goals don’t sync with continuing the original relationship. They manage to break up the romance with each feeling freed rather than dumped, so they can continue to be friends. Hopefully their eventual new partners will appreciate this.
Who would have thought that a thing called a “comic” would be funny?
It’s not like serious works of fiction using the same format would need a separate term like “graphic novel” or anything. That would never happen.
When I was a kid I asked my mom why Superman was in a comic book when he wasn’t funny. The answer is the same.
Yes, I’m sure your mother really has her finger on the pulse of nerd pop culture when it comes to nomenclature.
“I asked my mommy” isn’t exactly a compelling argument.
Comics aren’t nerd anything, they’ve been mainstream since the 1930s, honey. And a large number of them haven’t been comical, although there are plenty which are. This one may be modern but it’s nothing really new. The same story could have played out in a hetero relationship between supportive adults as far back as my mother’s era. I wasn’t using her as an authority, just a representative of the populace. And to note that only a little child thinks comics have to be funny. This one may be modern but the story here isn’t all that new. It’s personal and fresh to the author, and I’m happy for them that their life is working out so well, but the plotline is straight out of a 1950s romance comic.
Plotline? You’re giving this low effort, meaningless shit too much credit.
Hey how about instead of picking fights on the Internet, or even while picking fights on the Internet, why don’t you go to your nearest blood bank and donate a pint like I’m doing now?
You can’t call something a graphic novel if it’s only one page long though, so what do you call it?
A shitty comic.
An act of self-indulgence.
A desperate cry from an attention starved individual.
Take your pick.
Do you still “dial” a phone number? We haven’t used actual dials in forever.
Ever clicked a URL? Well, it’s actually a URI now.
Ever seen a soap opera? They don’t have anything to do with soap anymore.
I think from a technical standpoint, this is a cartoon, but that typically implies animation in the year 2024. Comic strip is acceptable lingo, even if the depiction lacks an overt comedic device.
Does it still get to be called a comic if it lacks any entertainment or artistic value?
Is there a better term for a paneled, storytelling, drawn art?
A graphic anecdote?
The artist / writer literally mentions their joke in the bonus panel and they’d “die if they stopped being funny”.
The funny part is supposed to be: my wife is single.
My brain hurts
I hang out with many queer and poly people that this didn’t even seem unusual. Sometimes I forget how basic and unexamined most people’s relationships are.
Kind of a missed opportunity to examine other relationship models, but can’t have everything.
Alright… So lesbian relationship. One of them decides they’re not a woman anymore. They both decide to devorce…
Maybe I’m missing something, but is there supposed to be a joke somewhere in here?
This isn’t the “jokes” community, it’s the “comic strips” community
Their mutual regard for one another transcends what they want from the relationship, which contrasts humourously with hetero norms of trying to change one other to get what you want
Ok, but… That’s not something that’s funny.
It would work in a greater narrative, perhaps, where we as readers know the characters. Not this one off thing.
Not every joke is gonna be for you, don’t worry about it
Being selfish is hetero normative? I’m probably being defensive but this feels like a weird statement to make.
It’s societally normative, as is heterosexuality. Correlative, not causative.
I’m here as a het to tell you that the gays do laugh at us, and it’s fine
So stereotyping is suddenly okay if the gays are the ones doing it?
Please understand the difference between punch-down and punch-up comedy on your own time.
As long as they stereotyping gayness and they are gay it kinda seems ok. Laughing about your self is okay i think
If your jokes made around stereotypes in queer communities are offending people the jokes are probably just veiled insults. You can do things, you just need to be at least a little versed in the community and understand how to make respectful jokes instead of demeaning ones.
Or some queer people are too sensitive. Some people live to get offended, they choose to get offended about damn near everything everyone says.
Yeah it’s weird how people holding bigoted views are also often easily offended. People are people ig…
The humor for me is that you kind of expect something like this to end in bitter tears and a sad goodbye, but they’re both actually totally fine with a divorce and even hype each other up for new relationships.
A lot of trans discovery/coming out stories don’t end very happily, so it’s nice to see one that does.
Also, it’s a comic strip, which does not necessarily mean there is a joke.
Brenda Starr and Mark Trail were goddamn laugh riots.
Tossing relationships like this away is a sign of narcissism. It’s fine to move on but it’s definitely maladapted to be giddy about it.
“Several months ago” … Not exactly suggesting it would happen over night. Recognizing a schism and supporting eachother through the changes in life is preferable to doing so depressed and hatefully, no?
Why should you have to be miserable about it? They still have a relationship, it’s just no longer a romantic one.
You don’t have to be miserable, but the misery from leaving someone you love, even if it’s 1000% mutual and friendly is not really a choice, but a natural and healthy emotional reaction.
Sure, but it’s not the only valid response. It’s perfectly natural to be upset when a relationship falls apart, but it’s just as natural to mutually decide things aren’t working out and move on without grief or regret.
Amicable divorces are narcissistic?
I see you didn’t read my post.
I literally did. I don’t see why you’d believe people have to mournful about an amicable divorce or why that would be narcissistic otherwise.
They said “tossing away relationships like this is narcissistic” not “amicable divorce is bad”.
I’m still confused here, what’s the difference?
The difference is having a relationship with the strength of a wet noodle and celebrating it.
But the way this relationship is ending is amicable divorce lol.
The way this relationship is ending is throwing away a relationship. The divorce method is irrellevant.
The author specifically stated they’re still close friends. So they’re still in a relationship. Again, how is this narcissistic?
They start discussing how to split their assets and suddenly it becomes less peaceful
That’s amazing someone did that, and now we know they were all worthless anyway so it was even more ridiculous.
Reverse U-Haul uno card.
I guess not all comic strips have to be funny or you know make sense.
People are getting way too weird about this post. Sure, the decision seems kinda flippant but sometimes that’s how life is. It’s also a short comic. I kinda relate as a gay man because when I got married to the love of my life, I felt like it was a permanent decision and I stressed out about it big time. When I talked to my then boyfriend about it, he seemed so unworried about it and made me realize that if we needed to get divorced, it wasn’t the end of the world. We respect each other enough to be able to communicate our needs and work things out. People in the comments here making out like divorce is inherently tragic and should be avoided at all costs. The connection that you have with and individual that you love transcends that.
Wholesome AF.
Shouldn’t it be “My ex-wife is single”?
I feel like the fourth panel is what throws me off and left me scratching my head. Based on the previous one I’d imagine both of them to hype each other up, not just the man saying his former wife is single.
(from the link)
I thought the comic was wholesome.
But they’re claiming that if they stop being funny, they’ll die. Was this supposed to be funny?
Artists are funny like that
They’re not a man, man.
IMO: Driver - former gay/female feels Identity is more “boy” now so gender and sexualities don’t line up (straight/male with gay/female).
Gay female partner is now free to pursue children with another gay/female and former partner announces that.
Please pardon my wording, I’m trying but I’m not confident in my wording.
The comic makes sense to me if the driver is not identifying as a trans man while the passenger is a lesbian. It doesn’t make sense to me if they’re nonbinary or any other form of gender queer. I say this as someone whose spouse has come out of nonbinary and have friends whose spouses have come out as nonbinary. It doesn’t feel “divorce worthy” to me. To be honest, I don’t view your partner coming out as trans as being “divorce worthy” but I would at least understand an amicable split. It feels enbyphobic to split because they’re nonbinary.That’s why I interpret it at the driver being a man, because the comic makes more sense that way to me and it feels, to me, maybe a little bigoted otherwise. But I say that with a grain of salt because I’m not sure if the comic is meant to be like a joke or a story or even biographical of the author’s own life. Not sure if that makes sense lol.The comic is biographical of the author’s life. Also the extra panel clearly addresses everything.
I read the extra and don’t get it but it’s probably not intended for me. I’m happy people are happy.
It says the driver is open to dating all genders. So only the wife doesn’t lineup here.
