For example, Marmite Crumpets don’t exist. You cannot buy them at the supermarket. To be clear: you can buy crumpets, you can buy marmite, you can buy butter; but you have to assemble them at home.
If you walk into a breakfast cafe, they will happily serve you sausage / egg / bacon / french toast / bubble / squeak (whatever that is). But no marmite crumpets. If you ask them to make it, they will give you a very strange look. It’s not typically offered. It’s something you just have to make at home.
It is unbuyable. Any tourist who comes to the UK to try a Marmite crumpet would need to bring a toaster or an oven with them, or quickly befriend a brit and hope that they have all the ingredients at home.
It’s not a secret. You just can’t have it.
*munches into crumpet thoughtfully, and salivates at the juicy savory delight, whilst staring at you pityingly and condescendingly*
Anyway, what’s something that I could never experience unless I made it myself in your local?
You’ve set the bar way too low. You can’t buy peanut butter toast in grocery stores, either.
I would have said the same thing about PB&Js, too, except society is so depraved now that that’s no longer true.
Food that is actually spicy. I know it is available at some locations on earth, but I do not live within 500 miles of any of them. The only place near me that even offers a legit hot sauce is a food truck and that one is still a bit tame.
I’ve never seen sourdough French toast at a restaurant and it is literally the best bread to use. The texture holds up well to the egg dunk and the funky sourness complements the otherwise cloyingly sweet dish. Even better, instead of syrup I use salted irish butter, making it a savory dish with a hint of sweet cinnamon.
Marmite Crumpets don’t exist
Yet you brought them into existence. May god have mercy on your soul.
I didn’t invent them. I was born into them, molded by them.
To quote a fictional character, Casey Jones from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie;
cricket?! Youve gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
I could be mistaken but didn’t Ralph say that to Casey Jones?
He’s right you know
Well ill trust you so that i can say, i do now lol
Maple Walnut ice cream seems to be impossible to find in stores outside of New England
Widespread in Germany.
Lots in Canada
The Cannibal Sandwich, which doesn’t actually use human flesh, but is also not a sandwich. Anyway, you take a slice of rye cocktail bread, spread on some raw, ground beef, then top it with some sliced onion, salt, and pepper. You can’t get it ready-made, because nobody likes e. coli or salmonella poisoning. In fact, you have to make special arrangements to get the beef ground by a butcher in a clean grinder, and pretty much eat it the same day.
Oh now that’s something I want to try
Like beef tartare on rye bread?
Speculoos and jelly sandwiches. It’s possible they serve that in Europe somewhere, but you could never find that served in the US.
I’d like to be proven wrong though.
Speculoos
That sounds like a belgian thing. It’s gingerbread dust?
Sorry for not being clear, I meant the speculoos butter spread, most commonly Biscoff butter.
Chunky speculoos spread and strawberry spread is the way to go. I need to try it on brioche one of these days.
Properly cooked hash browns. It takes too long for a restaurant to do it.
Disagree, mcdonalds does it perfect and I will die on this hill, or fight in this trench. Also their coffee is great. I am not paid by mcdonalds to shill their awful products
IMO a hash brown patty from Trader Joe’s is far better if it’s skillet-fried at home with a little bit of oil. It’s also far cheaper if you don’t need to eat on the go.
Their breakfast steak patty sandwiches though, no place makes it like them and I absolutely love them. I wish they made burgers with their steak patties, but that probably won’t happen.
Marmite on Weetbix.
Ingredients:
- 1 Weetbix
- butter (lots)
- Marmite (lots)
Method:
Select a choice looking compressed wheat brick, apply a thick layer of butter, spread the Marmite across the layer of butter.This was a common school snack when I was growing up.
I’m gonna try this. Does the brick need to be wet or toasted?
But isn’t it better soaked in milk first?
Some cafes will do it - not as standard, but a few - maybe try the ones trying to be 1-up from a greasy. https://seahousescafe.co.uk/the-breakfast-menu
As will many hotel breakfasts, there’s often little single serving marmite things in with the single serving jam packets. I’d say about half the hotels i’ve stayed in with decent cooked breakfast have had it on offer.
I’ve also seen it in little roadside food van / trailer type things too.
Anyway, you want sainsbury’s yeast extract instead of marmite, it’s way gloopier and nicer tasting.
sainsbury’s yeast extract
It just sounds wrong but I’ll be on the lookout
Are hotels in the UK not equipped with toasters?
No, just a shitty kettle.
You’re supposed to wash it out after you shit in it
I would never. The next guest would want to savor my peaty aroma and be awed.
you love the sweet plastic taste and you know it!
Trypophobia, apparently
The Marmite causes the eggs to hatch in your tummy 🤗
- Chip Butty
- Crisp Sandwich made with Sandwich Spread.
I had a fish finger sandwich for lunch in a pub near Inverness last month, it was delicious.
horrific, you get a pass
Food I want to eat
Brother, we have all of those ingredients everywhere. We have a little British store run by expats who could get whatever packaged crumpet you use. Shit, I can make a batch of crumpets in about 15 minutes.
It’s not like a crazy recipe that needs balanced flavors to be done right. Like I’ve never had a good poutine outside of Quebec. It’s always sad beige gravy with the wrong seasonings or mozzarella or frozen fries or all of the above. It is never right.
What we can also talk about is local places making local dishes but they do it wrong and cheap or “good enough” and people come from abroad and try the dishes and think they’re mid because they went to the wrong place.
TL;DR: I love poutine.
/Rant
I had poutine at random place in Edinburgh which a Canadian friend said was the best poutine he’d had outside of Quebec. “Still shit though”, in comparison to in Quebec
It’s not like a crazy recipe that needs balanced flavors to be done right.
We’re talking British cuisine here
