To stop juging by looking: it’s not because i have a neutral expression that i am not enjoying the moment, it’s not because i am silent that i am not listening to you and it’s not because i don’t talk to you that i don’t care about you.
Also, people often forget how hard it is for people with ADHD to make a coherent structure when writing a long essay or doing a presentation.
Sometimes, i know i have work to do, i know i have a project i’m doing, but i just can’t. It can look like i’m lazy, but even i am desesperate in moments like theses. I can understand why people don’t get that.
No, you don’t have ADHD just because you get bored sometimes.
dont like that approach since mental illnesses are typically underdiagnosed rather than overdiagnosed. If someone says they have adhd they do until proven otherwise.
It’s undiagnosed because you don’t have it. Mental health is an extremely complex thing that only somebody with the right qualifications should comment on.
wow thats hostile, fuck you too buddy
I thought I was hostile until proven otherwise?
go fuck yourself you piece of shit,
a) I am officially diagnosed dont know why you assumed I wasnt
b) not everyone has equal access to healthcare and might have no choice other than to self-diagnose and medicate any range of illnesses
c) there are systemic issues like e.g. racism, sexism (sexism is double the issue in mental health than it is in physical) paired with the superiority complex of some doctors constantly leads to psychiatrists dismissing and downplaying their struggles and not diagnosing or writing prescriptions a patient needs.
but glad you keyboard warriors who never had to deal with this shit got it all figured out
“a) I am officially diagnosed dont know why you assumed I wasnt”
Do you need to be officially diagnosed? You’ve made it very clear you have the power of Google and YouTube on your side.
“b) not everyone has equal access to healthcare and might have no choice other than to self-diagnose and medicate any range of illnesses”
If you could diagnose yourself you wouldn’t need any of those things.
“c) there are systemic issues like e.g. racism, sexism (sexism is double the issue in mental health than it is in physical) paired with the superiority complex of some doctors constantly leads to psychiatrists dismissing and downplaying their struggles and not diagnosing or writing prescriptions a patient needs.”
Oh, so now I see. You don’t even need doctors because they’re racist or something because they didn’t give you the diagnosis Google said you had.
Do you need to be officially diagnosed?
Helps with access to medication
If you could diagnose yourself you wouldn’t need any of those things.
In a perfect world everyone would have access to what they need, until then a lot of people will have to make do with what they got and if its not a licensed doctor then google will have to do.
Oh, so now I see. You don’t even need doctors because they’re racist or something because they didn’t give you the diagnosis Google said you had.
They did. I am officially diagnosed by a licensed psychiatrist with ADD and I get prescription medication for it. Still don’t know why you assume I am not. Yet still there a lot of doctors which are racist, sexist, transphobic and mis- or underdiagnose because of their biases. A white wealthy male doctor might have difficulty relating to a black poor woman and not understand the issue they’re facing. On top of systemic racism, for instance it’s well documented that, especially in psychiatry, a lot of the research is centered around USian college students, because those are the easiest test subjects to find, which makes the research rather biased.
And there are a lot of people that don’t even get to see a doctor due to poor health coverage who have to make do with what they find online.
What an absolute cold-blooded dismissal of other people life-altering struggles.
I can’t not think
I can’t rest
Thriving on chaos.
Feeling the calmest when in a tempest.
This one exactly, while every normal person loses their mind in s stressful situation, adhd people can be calm and collected.
That it is not some magic fucking “gift”. The hyper focus isn’t a super power. It sucks, and gets in the way in all the wrong places, bills, school, career. I would trade places with anyone who doesn’t have it becuase it plain fucking sucks.
Hyper focus is a real problem for me. I don’t even realize I’m hungry or that my bladder is full until I’m feeling nauseous or light headed. What feels like 15 minutes is actually hours.
At the same time, if I don’t complete a project from start to finish in one sitting, it’s nearly impossible to restart.
I don’t get basic things done like laundry or remembering to make appointments because I’m stuck on one task. Sometimes I’m afraid to do things I love because I can’t just do it for 20 minutes. Especially video games. I want to relax after work and play but I know I can’t let myself or I might not eat that evening.
Sorry what were you saying? I was busy thinking of what I would do if gravity reversed.
Please don’t “trap” me and force my attention on to you.
I literally cannot subvert my attention from what I am focused on. Please just say my name and wait a moment for me to context switch myself.
Forcing the attention takes away from what I want to focus on and what you want me to focus on (usually you).
I’d second this as something people don’t get about ADHD.
So I work in IT support. If I’m absorbed in something complicated and you ask me to stop immediately to help you with your “more urgent” issue, please don’t take it personally if I seem annoyed while my brain short circuits trying to deal with the sudden gear change.
Is this an ADHD thing or a normal human behavior?
In general, if someone ND is complaining about X, equating it to NT X doesn’t work. They have the same name, yes. That’s because we don’t have words for X2 or X3 etc. Imagine if house cats, ocelots, pumas, and tigers were all called “cats.”
“A stray cat wandered in and it looks hungry.”
“So, what’s the big deal? We have three cats at home. Just give them some kibble.”
“I think it plans on eating me.”
“Stop exaggerating.”
This also works as a reply to OP’s question.
Yes
Normally I’d be ‘that guy’ to call out ADHD vs NT behaviours but for this - particularly when hyperfocus is involved - there is 100% a difference.
Many adhd symptoms are “normal human” behavior/traits, but in people with adhd they are more exaggerated than in neurotypical peeps. So while something like this might be slightly annoying for a typical person, for someone with adhd it is likely worse.
It’s worse for ADHD. It’s an outsize irritation. Also, once the focus is broken it can be really hard to pick back up the original task.
Also why we endlessly do the hip wiggle to avoid going to the loo until it hurts.
Ever almost shat yourself because you were focused on something else?
We have excess focus just no control over its direction.
It isn’t just “struggling to focus.” The same way that depression isn’t just “being sad” and anxiety disorder isn’t just “getting nervous.”
When my ADHD is at its worst, I literally become almost illiterate. As in, I read a single sentence, and by the time I finish the last few words, I have completely forgotten the rest of the sentence.
I have to read that sentence 4-6 times over and over before I actually comprehend what the meaning is. The words are being sounded out in my head, but my brain doesn’t store them in short term memory, and certainly not into long term memory.
My brain is too busy processing random other things to dedicate enough attention to the thing I am trying to read. And I’m not taking about Shakespeare or Tolstoy, I’m talking about trying to read a basic email from my manager.
Imagine the feeling you had when you were in school struggling with your toughest subject. Maybe it was math, maybe chemistry, whatever. Remember what it was like when you were focusing as hard as you could to solve a problem on an exam or a homework assignment. Remember that feeling of mental exhaustion? Where it felt like your head actually hurt, you were physically tired from how hard you were focusing? Maybe for the next hour, perhaps even the rest of the day, you couldn’t think hard about anything else?
Well that’s how I feel doing the majority of trivial tasks I have to do all the time. Getting dressed, brushing my teeth, making breakfast, getting my work bag together, remembering to cash a check or pick up a few groceries. Working out, texting back a friend, responding to emails, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, etc.
I start the day mentally exhausted and foggy, and I end the day even more so. And most of the things that nuro-typical folks do without hardly a thought, I have to expend final calculus 3 exam effort to do.
The most frustrating part? Sometimes, seemingly at random, my brain will just kick into gear and I will be able to focus on something for hours without any effort at all. I can’t seem to cause it to happen, I don’t know where it comes from. But on those rare days, I am a god. It actually makes me depressed, because I always think, “if I could be like this just 25% of the time, I would be unstoppable.”
The most frustrating part? Sometimes, seemingly at random, my brain will just kick into gear and I will be able to focus on something for hours without any effort at all. I can’t seem to cause it to happen, I don’t know where it comes from.
I reorganized my grandfather’s entire tool shed in 5 hours but the chlotes in my room are still on the ground… this sucks
It’s doing something for someone else vs doing it for you. For some people, it can serve as a “hack” to engage the hyperfocus.
Aside from stimulants and therapy, learning to live with ADHD is about developing seemingly abnormal coping skills to overcome the barriers it presents. Looks weird from the outside, but it makes total sense to that person because they know it engages something within them that won’t engage under normal circumstances.
It sucks to use and I hate it, but if someone starts doing the thing I’ve been struggling to do, that can engage my ability to do it because I’m doing it so they don’t have to…such as cleaning up one of my messes. Maybe you can use this too?
Yep! And I can’t direct it either, which is also super frustrating. If I’m productive, it’s always in a direction my brain wants to go, not where I actually need to be productive.
I remember one time I was hosting a party trying to read the rules for Werewolf, but had to delegate the task to someone else because I couldn’t focus on the words. I ended up just slipping out making a joke about having to take my lithium, so I could take my next dose early without being distracted and losing my Strattera pill
Oh yes, I know that experience well. I’ve had to excuse myself to discretely take another pill many times.
I also don’t like that I’m not doing the things I should be doing. Yes, I absolutely do see that those things need to be done, no I don’t think someone else is going to do them. Yes, I wish I would just get up and get it done too.
That me starting work at 2 am is not my choice, it’s my brain’s choice
At least that point in time exists.
It is hard when your brain decides to start work at √-1am
Aye.
Communication is difficult for us. Masking is tiring as fuck.
The more I read all this, the more I understand that I should diagnose for ADHD as those descriptions are just too damn fitting.
I was always sort of smart and stupid at the same time, unable to focus on specific things while being hyper-focused on something not always relevant. Procrastinating like crazy, but when it’s really bad, able to do a lot last minute.
Reading one sentence over and over again and still not knowing what it says is definitely something that did happen to me many times, I’m just focused on something else and cannot help it.
The worst thing for me when I got diagnosed was the realisation of how much of me is just ADHD/ASD. I’m very high masking according to my doctor, and now I understand why I often feel completely drained of energy. It’s pretty mad…
If you feel like you have ADHD, getting diagnosed is absolutely worth it. Even though it will probably wreck your perception of yourself, everything will probably make sense in hindsight. It’s very strange yet liberating.
I would be actually happy if I turned out ADHD, because I knew where to look for a help in an attempt to make my life better. Most of my efforts in self-improvement become futile after all. I wouldn’t care being ADHD at all if I was satisfied with the life I created, but since I’m not, it is all but negative.
Here’s a sampling:
ADHD can feel like you’re putting in 350% of effort 100% of the time but only achieving 50% of what others achieve, and then being treated like you only put in 10%.
My whole childhood & life before diagnosis, my intelligence and literally everything am good at was used as proof up career & academic & household stuff out of spite.
The paradox of #ADHD - being excellent at complex, high-stimulus tasks and fuck- all at routine, “easy” tasks was a weapon in the hands of parents, teachers, & employers and a constant abusive echo in my brain.
What internalized was that accomplishments that were fun or that came easy to me had no value, only the ones that involve effort “count.” But the things that involved the most effort for me were mundane tasks that came easy to others, so they had no value, either.
ADHD involves SO many micromoments of shame. Stepping Over the pile of laundry. Re- remembering the bill you still haven’t paid. The sink full of dishes and the fridge leftovers lurking in the back. The small but recurring should have" is cumulative and it’s painful.
The last one’s text wasn’t "Select"able on my phone
Gosh, the micromoments of shame really really hits home
It’s the last one for me
‘Just write it down’
‘IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!!!’
I can’t count the number of times I start talking about executive dysfunction and someone immediately chirps in with “make a list, chunk it down, say you’re going to do this for 20 minutes and then take a break.” I eventually started asking in response, "Do you suggest to your depression patients simply not being sad? Do you tell your anxiety patients not to worry about stuff? Because that’s what I’m hearing, and it tells me you don’t
I find the practice of making daily to-do lists still helps, not because I’ll be able to necessarily do the thing for 20 minutes on the first try, but after those 20 minutes i might look down at my little note and be able to remember what it was I was supposed to be doing… and then I can have another attempt at maybe doing it in the next 20 minutes.
Executive dysfunction is damn near disabling when I’m not medicated. I struggle with it & decision paralysis even when medicated. It’s an unfortunate issue that I’m unsure I’ll ever work through.
